So is there ACTUALLY a tape of Kim Kardashian doing a sex to and at Kanye West?

If you found Bound 2 mind-boggling, can you imagine the sequel?

Published on16 09 2014

Kris Jenner's on the phone, again. It's 4.30am in LA and Bruce Jenner is sleeping the sleep of the dead, upright, eyes open and glazed, on the sofa of her office. His sleep apnoea is just about kicking in. "Kim," she's hissing down the line, her ever-present jacket perched starchily on her clotheshanger shoulders. "Kim. If you don't do this I'm making Kourtney my new favourite. It's time, Kim." She hangs up without another word. A monotone chuckle escapes her lips. *It's time… *

It's 4,000 miles away, in London. Kim Kardashian is giving an interview to British GQ. She seems nervous, jumpy. "Haha, yes," she's telling the Savile Row suit in front of her. "Well, you know." She steals a glance at her phone. It's time. "Actually, we've done a sex. Tape, I mean. A sex tape. Me and Kanye." She stutters, not looking directly at the interviewer's eyes. "Lemme just get my statement." She grabs the phone, starts scrolling, triumphantly presses a button and reads in a haltering soprano:

"'My husband Kanye and I have an amazing sex life. So far as the sex tape is concerned, whether or not we've made another ... If we have, it's never something I want to go public.'"

She looks up. The suit is scrawling into a Moleskine notebook. He's leaning fully out of his seat, towards her large and improbably rounded breasts. Sweat is beading on his forehead. She clears her throat, looks back at her phone.

"'I am married to an incredible man and let's just say we like to have fun,'" she continues, jerkily. Is he falling for this?

"'Have we made another? There's nothing wrong with being adventurous, having fun and experimenting. Kanye and I have a very good sex life. What we do privately is private.' And that's all it says. I mean, that's all I have to say." She smiles uncertainly. The suit is still sweatily scribbling.

Anyway, Kim and Kanye probably haven't made a sex tape together, despite what Kim told GQ last week, a source told TMZ. In fact, she wants to keep her sex life private, given what happened with Ray J and all, but "decided to playfully tease". So there you go. Bit of a non-story, this.