Before we get into this story, let's take a minute to think about what life would be like dating Simon Cowell. There'd be the fancy restaurants and private jets, sure – but there'd also be trying to find space in his wardrobe for your clothes. Imagine having to surreptitiously hide 10 identical white shirts and five pairs of extra-high-waisted trousers in a random plant pot just so you can put your coat away. Nah thanks.
But listen: Amanda Holden almost went there. Amanda Holden almost became part of Simon's ex-girlfriend posse, the ones who follow him around on holiday and are led by a nearly-naked and sun-baked Sinitta.
Because Amanda Holden and Simon Cowell once went out on a DATE and they think we're going to be OK with it.
Speaking to the Daily Mail, she revealed: "A very long time ago, when we were both single, we went out on a date. But I pre-ordered a cab to come and get me at 10.30pm, which made him laugh and he never forgot that."
Blee. It's like your glamourous mum going out with your super-scary headmaster, isn't it?
"Simon always tells people he hired me because he fancied me but that's absolute nonsense. He doesn't go for blondes," Amanda went on.
She also credits him with getting public opinion back on her side, after she was caught cheating on husband Les Dennis with Neil Morrissey back in 2000 – with Simon giving her a job on Britain's Got Talent.
"Simon always tells me he is responsible for making people like me. Of course I hate him saying that, but it's true."
YES BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO EVER GO OUT ON A DATE WITH HIM AGAIN, OK? OK AMANDA? OK.