The X Factor’s Chloe Khan’s chat-up lines are comedy gold and we’re crying

From the dizzying heights of fame in late 2004, when Steve won the first ever UK edition of The X Factor, to the terrible lows just eight months later when record label Sony BMG dropped him. Then came a stint on a P&O cruise ferry (the Portsmouth to Bilbao crossing if you must know) followed by Steve’s discovery of Twitter, where he quickly found a semi-notoriety lambasting Simon Cowell, The X Factor, anyone involved in The X Factor… you get the gist.Oh, he did attempt to stage a comeback earlier this year with a crowd-sourced album, Forgotten Man, which, uh, well it failed to chart.

That’s My Goal, right? Everyone remembers That’s My Goal. “That’s myyyy gooooalll!” Right? Yeah, anyway, Shayne did pretty well on the back of his 2005 X Factor win, following up his debut self-titled album with a second AND third record. Sadly, Simon Cowell’s label SyCo Music dropped him in 2010, which could have spelled the end of his musical career – but no! Shayne landed himself a plum role in West End hit Rock Of Ages in 2011 and THEN got picked to appear on Dancing On Ice. Whatta guy.

Probably the most successful X Factor winner to date, Leona had a massive hit in 2007 with Bleeding Love, which went to No1 in the US and charted all around the world. She’s since made five albums, sold more than 20 million records, been nominated for three Grammys AND started acted in the musical Walking On Sunshine earlier this summer.

Incredibly, Leon won in 2007 against runner-up Rhydian Roberts, but his post-X Factor career flopped after his debut album and he got dropped by his record label shortly afterwards. But it was onwards and upwards for Leon, who grew himself a beard (and got even hotter) and started appearing in his own online web series Leon’s Life, which was – incredibly – broadcast on Bebo. And he got himself nominated for the Johnnie Walker Blue Label "Great" Awards in May 2011. So.

With probably the longest name in X Factor history – her full moniker is Alexandra Imelda Cecelia Ewen Burke – Alexandra’s winner’s single Hallelujah sold 105,000 copies in a SINGLE DAY. Unfortunately it was then overtaken by her mentor Cheryl Cole’s Fight For This Love, but still. A stint as brand ambassador for Sure Women deodorant quickly followed, and until recently Alexandra was starring in the West End musical The Bodyguard.

Poor little Joe. His debut effort got beaten to the coveted Christmas top spot by an excellently well-orchestrated public campaign to get Rage Against The Machine’s Killing In The Name to the No1. It worked, and for a while it looked like Joe might sink back to the depths of unknowndom. But no! Joe went on to star in AND win the second series of Popstar To Operastar, and got to perform for the Queen at the Thames Diamond Jubilee Pageant. Jealous!

He may have won against One Direction – yes, One actual Direction – but Matt’s music career went a bit south after his victory in 2010. There was that brief showmance fling with Mel C… oh, and he had to go to rehab late last year to deal with his over-reliance on prescription pills. Poor man.

The artists formerly known as Rhythmix had to change their name before winning The X Factor after a desperate plea from a music charity who, tbf, had had its name for quite a while. Simon Cowell even stumped up £20k to give the charity as a peace offering. Anyway, Little Mix have done well for themselves, releasing two studio albums (DNA and Salute), AND bandmember Perrie Edwards got herself engaged to One Direction’s Zayn Malik.

It’s just yer classic prison-guard-to-national-household-name story, really. Sam won the ITV talent contest in December 2013 and, yes, got that Christmas No1 with Skyscraper. She and her husband Craig then conceived a child literally days later on New Year’s Eve and she found out she was pregnant by taking a test in an Asda loo. Sam gave birth to a baby girl just this month, so her recording and touring commitments have been put on hold for now.

James, James, James. Phoooo-eey. What can we say about this young man? Well, despite a promising start with his 2012 X Factor win, his bratty attitude and a string of media controversies (cracking onto a fan with the immortal line #showyourboobstojamesarthur; having sex with his socks on; recording a rap battle against Micky Worthless; sending fellow X Factor contestant Lucy Spraggan vaguely homophobic slurs… we could go on) meant his contract with SyCo was swiftly terminated. Like Brookstein, James has discovered the wonders of Twitter and has somehow attracted a modest following (of mostly non-UK fans, it has to be said). He even got his fans to come up with the artwork for his latest album, All The World’s A Stage – and he now has a chest tattoo of the same title. So that’s good, isn’t it.