When it comes to cracking jokes, Chris and Rosie Ramsey are pros. The comedians – both 38 and from South Shields – summon laughs across the globe with their Shagged Married Annoyed podcast, as well as their BBC show. With the release of their new children’s book, There’s A Poonami In My House, the couple sat down with heat to talk shit jokes (literally), parenting fails, and celeb lookalikes…
Did you draw on personal experiences for this book?
Chris: The book feels almost like a metaphor for your kids taking over your life. We’ve never had a poonami come down the stairs, but we’ve had explosive nappies.
Rosie: And when you're a first-time parent, nobody prepares you for it.
C: Sometimes it’ll be as if the nappy wasn’t even there.
Do your sons love the book?
C: Robin loves it. He’s eight, and he’s read it a few times on his own.
R: Rafe [who is three] wanted us to read it to him again, which he never does. I don’t know whether it’s because the baby looks like him.
Did writing it bring out your inner child?
C: Making something rhyme was a lot of fun. I was on thesaurus.com a lot. The in-depth emails that we had discussing what colour the poop should be was utterly ridiculous, though. If it’s too yellow, it’ll look chemical. If it’s brown, it won’t be colourful on the page. I was like, ‘What a stupid job I’ve got. We are literally arguing over the colour of shit.’
As adults, should we all make more poo jokes?
C: We need to be making more jokes about everything. That’s the way to get through life.
R: It’s funny because we are quite toilet humour – hence the podcast.
C: It’s children’s favourite topic, too.
R: They literally get stickers for having a poo.
C: I can’t remember the last time I got a sticker for having a shit. It’s actually quite depressing.
Rosie, you should get some gold stars in for Chris…
R: He already takes long enough in the loo. Absolutely not.
What’s your biggest parenting fail?
R: I think our biggest parenting fail was the teeth.
C: Your parenting fail, you mean.
R: When our eldest was two, he came off his balance bike and landed on his teeth. I’ve never felt more devastated in my life.
C: He had no front teeth for five years. He’s only been able to eat an apple properly for the last year.
Rosie, what’s it like living with all boys?
R: Oh my God, it’s intense. I’ve got two sons and three nephews, so it’s chaos. They all come round and take their tops off in the garden.
C: Like football hooligans.
R: It could be winter, and they’ll all be topless – even the three year old. They’re wild, but it’s brilliant to watch.
C: It’s our fault. We’re both performers, we’re both attention grabbers, and we’re both extroverts. They’re carbon copies of us.
Have your sons inherited your funny genes?
R: Our eldest made loads of friends when we were on holiday. It was really like watching us when we were younger. He’s just an entertainer.
Perhaps there’ll be a Ramsey Family variety show one day…
C: I’ll be retired and outsourcing it to the younger ones, overseeing the set list and sending them out on tour.
R: You never know, though. They might become comedians, they might become actors. If they ever did want to go into that field, I would be 100% behind it.
You’ve done it all – from podcasts and tours, to books and series. If a feature-length film ever happened, who would you pick to play you?
C: Macauley Culkin. He looks a bit like us, as well.
R: Do you think? Renée Zellweger as Bridget Jones would be me.
C: The hardest thing to do would be the Geordie accent.
R: Charlie Hunnam.
C: I can’t be picking someone like him, can I? He’s absolutely lush – all muscles and ripped. People will read this and go, ‘Alright, dickhead’.
If there really was a poonami, who’s cleaning it up?
R: I’d be cleaning, Chris would be having palpitations.
C: Everyone outside, burn the house down, and claim the insurance money.
CREDIT: There’s A Poonami In My House by Chris and Rosie Ramsey is out on 12 September (Gallery Kids, £12.99)