Christmas. If you try and do it tastefully you’re kind of missing the point.
Thankfully, Colleen Rooney is a woman after heat’s heart and has ripped up taste, thrown it out the window and said: “Be gone with you, taste. It’s Christmas!”
So Coleen and Wayne’s tree is enough to astonish our weak minds with its magnitude.
In fact, now we’ve studied it further, we’re not sure there is even any actual tree there.
Instead, it’s a glorious profusion of ribbon, chiffon and silver-sprayed pineapples.
What has a pineapple to do with Christmas?
What doesn’t a pineapple have to do with Christmas?
And she’s making a Christmas star for Claire House hospice, which is an excellent children’s charity in the North. Well done, Coleen.
We’re not quite sure about the elves that are lurking around her house though.
If we were Kai or Klay or Wayne, they’d scare the Christmas daylights out of us.
Elves are just gnomes with good PR.