Danny Dyer talks about his first sexual experience. It’s rough, btw…

Sorry if you’re eating your Frosties, but this just can’t wait.

Danny Dyer has opened up about his very first sexual experience in his new book, The World According To Danny Dyer: Life Lessons From The West End.

Luckily, what you’re about to read didn’t actually physically happen to Danny. But seeing it has scarred him for life.

Let’s just get right into it, shall we?

"Look, ya've been warned. This is not for the faint-hearted. Nor the weak-stomached. To be honest, I wish I could blank it from my mind," he said.

"It was one geezer's birthday in the pub and at noon they got a couple of strippers in. These women could best be described as rough and ready.

"They was ready and they was certainly rough - a bit of the Stone Age figure going on, never seen 21 again, nor 41 either, you get the picture?

"This isn't some sweeping judgement on people of a certain age, either. We are judged by our actions, not how we look, and by actions they was filth."

He continued: "One of my mates, who I won't name, was about 16 at the time. He gets up on stage with them and, in front of 50 geezers - make sure ya ready, not just eaten or nothing like that - she puts a strap-on dildo and does him up the bottle.

"He was really into it. Try doin' the Lambeth Walk after that, you slag. I can still see the expression on his face. It was bizarrely refined, like Sherlock Holmes enjoying a bit of violin.

"He had a fixation about the Old Khyber. One time he poured Bloody Mary in there. He wandered off. We found him by following the trail of tomato juice."

OK then…

**The World According To Danny Dyer: Life Lessons From The East End is out tomorrow. **

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