Danny Dyer, grunting and pumping away in the dark. Danny Dyer doing a shot of cough syrup through his corneas. Danny Dyer slowly but deliberately breaking every bone in a gang member’s body. Danny Dyer colourfully using every swearword that has ever existed in the history of the English language and giving several elderly viewers fatal heart attacks. Danny Dyer lobbing a home-made Molotov cocktail at the headquarters of Ofcom and yelling to the sky to ‘Come and get it, you slaaags’.
It’s a heartwarming vision of the future, isn’t it? And it could all come to pass if Danny Dyer got his way and sexed up EastEnders.
Speaking during Monday night’s Attitude Awards, he told the Metro that the BBC1 show could do with a bit more grittiness – to really convey that East End spirit, y’know?
“Do I think there should be a late-night EastEnders so there could be more sex? Yeah, I do – and a bit more swearing would be nice,” he said.
Would that involve you getting your own little Danny out, Danny?
“I’d frighten the life out of people with the size of me! But I would love to do that,” he added, while eating an eel pie with his hands.
Oh Danny Dyer. Never stop being you.
GALLERY: 20 of the hottest shirtless men around, including Dan Osborne and Zac Efron!
20 of the hottest shirtless men around including Dan Osborne and Zac Efron
1 of 20Andy Murray
2 of 20TOWIE's Tom Pearce and Dan Osborne
3 of 20Darcy Oake
4 of 20David Beckham
5 of 20James Franco
6 of 20Jason Derulo
7 of 20Joey Essex
8 of 20Justin Bieber
9 of 20James Kenzie
10 of 20Lewis Hamilton
11 of 20Louis Smith
12 of 20Mark Wright
13 of 20Max George
14 of 20Robbie Williams
15 of 20Tom Daley
16 of 20The Only Way Is Essex boys
17 of 20Tyson Beckford
18 of 20Usher
19 of 20Zac Efron
20 of 20