Undesirable body hair and the skankiest pair of undercrackers we own are usually enough of a barrier between us and last-minute sex, but it looks like TOWIE's Lydia Bright is going to have to find some new contraceptive options after doing a sex on her ex, James 'Arg' Argent.
Oh god, no, not like THAT. No, she isn't incubating any miniature Args. An Arglet, if you will. Noooo. Well, not that she's mentioned to us, anyway. No, she's talking about accidentally hooking up with him after the polo last week.
In this week's heat, Lydia exclusively reveals how she felt about sleeping with her ex-fiance and whether it's likely to happen again. If Arg has anything to do with it, it will.
So how did it come about? Well, Lyds explains, their night of passion didn't exactly start in the most seductive way.
"I had my pyjamas on, I'd been drinking and had beans on toast down my top. It wasn't planned at all, I swear on my life," she told us. What? A bean-stained top is the number one tool in our sex arsenal, Lydia. It's hawt.
"I opened the door with my hair on my head, half of my make-up off, and he was wearing tracksuit bottoms. We sat on the sofa with my dog between us, munching on Doritos."
Doritos, you say? Scribbles notes Go on…
"We wouldn't have been doing that if we thought we were going to kiss, because Doritos give you cheesy breath."
Crikey. Were they… Cool Original, Lydia? Or BBQ Rib? Surely… surely not Jalapeño Fire?!