OK, so you've had your fair share of pass-agg moments in life. That time you oh-so-sweetly thanked the guy who let a door slam back in your face. That time when you smiled tight-lipped at the absolute clown who cut the bus line. That time you secretly recorded a global mega-star as she talked on the phone with your husband about the song he was writing about her*.
*Kim Kardashian might actually be the mistress of passive-aggression, thinking about it.
But there's nothing quite so satisfying as being really, really petty to someone's face and summing up everything you're feeling towards them – anger, frustration… maybe a touch of lust? – with one perfectly executed facial expression: ladies and gentlemen, the eye-roll.
Here's how it works.
Find your target
This one's important: are you directing your ire towards the person standing in front of you, or are you sharing a mutual eye-roll with a pal?
If it's your mate…
Go wild. There's literally nothing holding you back from making this the biggest display of your feelings, save the muscles holding your eyeballs in place. Go big or go home. Try to avoid the eye hospital if poss.
If it's a stranger…
TBH, you're probably going to want to do this behind their back to achieve true pass-agg nirvana – eye-rolling at the face should be restricted to parents and figures of authority, i.e an especially officious ticket collector, or the bouncer who always reads your ID just a few seconds more than he should.
Scale it up so your entire body's involved
Exaggerate the wild movements of your eyeballs by getting your hands involved. A sassy hand-on-the-hip provides a perfect snapshot of your mood, or you could go one further by rounding your thumb and index finger into a circle and gesturing wildly at your target in the manner of an angry Italian chef.
Consider adding sound effects
A prolonged "DOYYY" is great for conveying just how stupid – how utterly and irresponsibly moronic – someone is. Slacken your mouth, let your shoulders come up to your ears and gently let your knuckles graze the floor to get across the impression that your subject is quite literally a mouth-breathing Neanderthal. This is a great one to use on a younger sibling, as it'll wind 'em up no end.
Think about chucking in a sneer
Lucy Watson is our eye-rolling bae, and she's mastered the contemptuous sneer. Notice the nostrils, slightly flared; the lips, curled and snarling – the 2016 equivalent of a cavewoman watching two of her cave-neighbours fighting over the remains of a saber-tooth tiger.
Or keep it super-breezy
You want the person in question to know just how ridiculous you find their whole existence, what an utter waste of time and space you consider their presence. The act of lifting your eyes to the heavens shouldn't even expend one single calorie, FYI.
Show as much eye-white as poss
The less we can see of your irises, the more we know you're seriously pissed off. That's science, that is.
But sometimes less is definitely more
An eyebrow raised just a fraction, a slow shake of the head and just a touch – the teeniest touch – of sass is all you need to get your point across. This one's for your ineffectual boss.
Disguise it as pity
Sometimes the best eye-rolls aren't a crazy display of power and passive-aggression. In these cases, you still want to show someone what an absolute knob they're being by belittling them as much as possible in the shortest amount of time. Merely raise your brows to the skies, close your eyes and keep them closed for as long as it takes you to say "bless you, child, for you really are an idiot". Crack this one out on the guy who keeps pestering you at the gym.
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