After what feels like years of waiting, the hyped-up, hotly-anticipated sauce-fest Fifty Shades of Grey is finally arriving in cinemas. Yep, after about a gazillion mini trailers, scintillating sneak peeks, and google image searching for "Jamie Dornan topless", we can actually sit and watch Christian and Ana get it ooon in the red room of pain via our local multiplex.
And just in case you were wondering whether it was actually any good, some of the industry's film critics have been allowed access to a preview screening. Are their inner goddess twirling with delight, or have they deemed it all "double crap"?
Kind of a mix between the two. The reviews aren't scathing, but they mostly DO complain that fans will be disappointed with the lack of hard-core action on screen. We've rounded up the nice, not so nice, and as angry as Christian gets mid-spank fest for you:
The nice:
"The first in a planned trilogy of movies will stoke the ardor of James' fans, entice curious newbies, and in every way live up to the 'phenomenon' hype...Aiming to please, the filmmakers submit without hesitation to the bold yet hokey source material, with leads Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson breathing a crucial third dimension into cutout characters."
- The Hollywood Reporter
"Substituting heartache for handcuffs, Fifty Shades is the rare studio romance in which the characters actually try to understand one another...Fifty Shades may not make you come, but you'll still be glad you went."
- Time Out
"Credit goes to director Sam Taylor-Johnson and her screenwriter, Kelly Marcel, who've stripped the first book of its biggest flaws, while still honouring its essence...And lead Dakota Johnson makes for an ideal heroine, though - as doubters feared - her chemistry with costar Jamie Dornan doesn't always sizzle."
- New York Daily News
Not-so-nice:
“There’s not nearly enough sex in it…That’s a shame, because Marcel performed nothing short of a miracle here, turning hapless, unreadable fan-fiction rubbish that somehow caught fire into a capable, slow-building script.”
- Mashable
“Nobody in the movie has visible genitals...Christian in particular seems to do a whole lot of stuff in the playroom with his shirt off but his pants on, which cannot be comfortable for such an active young man...nobody sweats, nobody strains, nobody loses control or even fakes losing control by simulating an orgasm.”
- Entertainment Weekly
“Those looking for hot, kinky sex will be disappointed. Fewer than 15 of the movie's 125 minutes feature sex scenes...Discussion of contracts and objections over line items outweigh erotica. Even the graphic nudity grows numbing.”
- USA Today
Reviews aside - are you still excited about seeing the film? Let us know in the comments!