Someone has actually given Gary ‘Gaz’ Beadle his VERY OWN COLUMN and we couldn’t be happier.
WOW.
The Geordie Shore favourite has gone in full guns blazing for his debut for the Daily Star, taking aim at his former co-star Vicky Pattison and The Only Way Is Essex’s Chloe Sims.
His first dig comes courtesy of Chloe and her "platonic" relationship with millionaire tycoon Robert Tchenguiz - who, if we're being honest, is a far cry from her hunky ex-boyfriend Elliot Wright.
"What do you think attracted Chloe, 33, to 55-year-old Robert Tchenguiz, the fella who is worth £850 million?" Gaz asked.
"Maybe it was his beard, stunning physique, or the fact he has a massive one?"
He added: "Or perhaps he is just so disgustingly rich she found some way to connect with him. Lol."
MEOWWWWWW.
Looks aren't EVERYTHING Gary.
Next, he insulted Vicky’s technique in the bedroom - well, he has been there - and called out her "pretend" public persona.
"I know V loves her squeaky-clean pretend image, but we all know that isn't the real her.
"To be fair, have you ever seen Ms P having sex on TV? It's like watching someone shag a surfboard."
Bit harsh Gaz.
Unluckily for us, he kept pretty quiet about what's going on with on-off-kind-of-girlfrien Charlotte Crosby ATM - boooooo.
"I don't really want to say much as a lot of stuff has been and gone, but I will say keep watching the Big Birthday Battle every Tuesday and a lot of things will be explained."
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