The Grammy 2015 goodie bags contain a WATERLESS CAR WASH, vibrating lipo treatments and, uh, hair loss products

Lucky celebs, eh?

Published on6th February 2015 at 6.00pm

If you’re anything like us, you’ll spend half your life pretending you’re famous and concocting weird situations in which you run into other, similarly famous people and get accepted immediately into their famous gang.

You probably spend the other half crying that you’re not famous. It’s fine, there’s no judgement here.

But we felt strangely glad we’re not a celebrity when we found out what all these illustrious people are going to have to cart home after Sunday night’s Grammy awards.

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Because among the treats in their goodie bags, instead of the diamond necklaces and bars of pure gold we IMAGINED they get, will be a, erm, ‘waterless car wash’ system and vouchers for a type of liposuction that literally vibrates the fat out of your body (you really don’t want to know which orifice this involves).

Oh, and there’s some ‘skin and hair loss’ products – we take it that they’re products for both skin AND, very much separately, hair loss, because designing products for skin loss would be insane.

"Er, no I'm good thanks, m8"

Yep. Just imagine Lady Gaga having to wrestle home an actual car wash (we’re picturing it with those massive spinning rollers, though she'd probably make a kickass outfit with them), or Ed Sheeran looking all quivering-lipped at a lipo offer. “Me?” he’d be thinking. “They want me to do WHAT with that WHAT?”

Just think about Usher rolling up to the Grammys and being given a basket full of hair loss products. Just think about it.

It’s almost as bad as last year, when the Grammy performers and presenters enjoyed the MyPurMist sinus soother, which looked a bit like a medical dildo tbh.

Catch the Grammys in full on 4Music at 9pm on Monday 9 February.

4Music: Freeview 18, Sky 360 and Virgin 330

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