Hey guys, Gwyneth Paltrow wants to bang Barack Obama. Like: she just wants to strip him down and coat him in agave and just go at it. Like: she wants to just tie him in a yogic knot and not leave the house for days. She wants to make him goop his pants.
And how do we know this? Because Gwyneth Paltrow got Barack Obama into her back garden, gathered a group of people, gave them $15,000 spring rolls, and used a microphone to tell him how handsome he was. This happened! That’s Gwyneth Paltrow’s life! She hates carbohydrates and she crushes on the POTUS!
As Politico reports, Gwyneth held a fundraiser for the Democratic National Committee at her house in Brentwood on Thursday, and championed Obama’s efforts to get equal pay legislation through Congress.
She took to the mic to tell a crowd (that included Julia Robert — THIS HAPPENED), Gwyneth told Barack: “I’m one of your biggest fans, if not the biggest.”
She then turned to the crowd to tell them: “It would be wonderful if we were able to give this man all of the power that he needs to pass the things that he needs to pass.”
She then turned back to him to say: “You’re so handsome I can’t speak properly.” JFK AND MARILYN ALL OVER AGAIN.