Geordie Shore star and absolute mega babe Holly Hagan has candidly opened up about the mental health battle she always kept private during her time on the MTV show.
Acknowledging Mental Health Awareness Week, Holly shared a photograph of herself and Charlotte Crosby smiling during a typical Geordie Shore press day back in 2013.
And despite her smile and bubbly persona, Holly explained that the picture was taken at 'the height' of her crippling anxiety and minutes before the photo was taken she was 'in Charlotte's arms unable to breath having one of the biggest panic attacks of my life".
Holly candidly wrote: "This day and these photos will forever stick out for me. Look how happy I am and how much fun we're having! 5 minutes before this was taken I was in charlottes arms unable to breath having one of the biggest panic attacks of my life.
"If you know that tingling light headed buzzing ringing in the ear feeling your body is starting to go numb and when you know it's coming and you're fighting to stop it and all of a sudden it feels like your chest is so tight your heart is going to explode and you go to breath in and it feels like someone's put a plug in your airway! Tears streaming out of my face completely terrified and embarrassed. But of course once that was over I had to work, put on that brave confident face and pretend it never happened."
Like many of us, Holly explained that she tried her best to put on a brave face and 'get on with work' but inside she was completely exhausted with it all.
"I had so many attacks that day I was exhausted. I'd say this was the height of my anxiety but to look at me would you ever have even known? I'm the girl who will panic about being late so much that I'm an hour early. I'm the girl who will spend 3 hours on a train worrying about asking the person next to me to move if I need to get off.
"BUT I'm also the girl who is now in Thailand ALONE! I'm meeting people and actually initiating conversations with others rather than standing at the back scared to make eye contact! Im the girl who is always gunna have anxiety but I'm also the girl who's telling you it doesn't have to control your life!
"For the first time in my life I'm truly happy and I'm so grateful every single day that I'm managing to get past this I can't even remember the last time I had a panic attack!? there's always someone listening whatever you're going through you are NOT ALONE."
Holly made the decision to quit Geordie Shore to pursue other projects and has since claimed that the MTV series has changed into something the original stars no longer enjoy.
She recently told Daily Star: "I’d still love Geordie Shore if it was like it used to be when everyone actually liked each other. But the way it is now isn’t for me."
She then added that she feels like filming the show just isn't what it used to be: "I had to leave because to me it didn’t feel like Geordie Shore anymore. I want it to be like a family but it wasn’t like that. Some people are a little bit bored now too. I think they just don’t want to be there."
We're so proud of Holly for speaking out, especially as 1 in 10 people are likely to experience 'disabling anxiety' at some point in their lives. And to echo Holly, you're definitely not alone.
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