Poor old Kanye West. As if he didn’t have enough on his plate, what with being the new Jesus and having everyone constantly undermine his obvious genius. He couldn’t even declare his intention to stand for US president without people ribbing him for it, the love.
And now he’s not even sleeping properly. The poor lamb has had to relocate to a different bedroom because wife Kim Kardashian farts too much in bed.
That’s according to an A+ report from Radar, which claims Kanye’s dreams are being haunted by the stench emanating from pregnant Kim’s incredible arse.
“He doesn’t get any rest when he stays in bed with Kim because she’s up and down many times through the night and it wakes him every time,” a source tells the US publication.
“It’s very restless as she tosses and turns constantly. Kim’s also become very flatulent and he can’t stand it,” the insider adds.
Can you imagine? Can you even imagine that scene? Kanye, rocked wide awake at 3am by a rumble of thunder. “Wassat?” he whispers blearily, rubbing his godly eyes. “Was that… no, NO, NO! KIIIIIIIIIIM!”
He screams, but the stink is already about his throat; suffocating, relentless. He can taste it. Is that… burritos? When did she have burritos?
His last fleeting thought before the black abyss of unconsciousness claims him is of the new Yeezy designs flapping mightily in the unstoppable breeze. They’ll be ruined now, and all.
Anyway, don’t feel too sorry for him: their massive mansion has another seven huge bedrooms to choose from, as well as an actual guest house containing Kanye’s studio right next door. Plenty more room to escape Kim's noxious fart clouds.