Can you imagine Kelly Brook in a bright orange jumpsuit with black arrows painted onto it?
Can you really see her wearing handcuffs and a steel ball attached to her ankle? Can you picture her hacking open a loaf of stale bread to find the tiniest of phone components, or fashioning a shank out of a toothbrush and a standard issue Bic razor? Nope, us either.
Which is why we’re really hoping Danny Cipriani won’t follow through on his threats to sue her, as she told Nick Grimshaw earlier today.
The model was on Grimmy’s radio show this morning to talk about her controversial new tell-all book, Close Up, in which she describes ex Danny cheating on her.
“Danny Cipriani is blowing up my phone now, saying, ‘I’m going to sue you,’” she explained. “I’m like, ‘Go ahead.’ They take out injunctions, these Premiership players, so I thought he might do that if I showed him. I thought I’d get my voice out there first and then go to jail.” (Nerdy legal note: she physically can't go to jail for this because it would be a civil case anyway...) She said that everyone in the book – including her other significant exes, Jason Statham and Thom Evans – are “pretty fair game”. “They knew I was doing a book and they asked me to send it to them so I said, ‘Yeah yeah’ and then I forgot.” And what of Kelly’s current significant other, fiancé David McIntosh?
Erm, well she didn’t seem that enamoured of him when she spoke to Magic FM this afternoon. “Is he the one?” asked the presenter. “Oh I can’t say that. I mean yeah we’re engaged, yeah.”
Wow. Wedding planning's going well, then.