Kim Kardashian’s new website is here – and it’s FULL of nipples, Kanye and batsh*t stories

Kim Kardashian’s mind is a mysterious place. What is she thinking about right now? It’s a bit like when a dog suddenly gets up and moves to a different room, and you’re like, ‘woah – did that dog just consciously decide to go somewhere else without any outside influence?’ Not that we’re comparing Kim Kardashian to a dog. Oh god. This intro has gone horribly, horribly wrong.

Anyway, look, the point is: Kim has given her fans a whole new insight into her brain via new website KimKardashianWest.com, which features nips, pics and tips about hacking her life.

For the princely sum of $2.99 a month, you too can find out such gems as “I’ve started treating cargo green as a neutral” and “last month my baby was the size of a banana”, which – frankly – is an absolute bargain. We might even pay $4.99 for that kind of scoop.

If you don’t think you can stretch to $2.99 a month – it adds up to $35.88 over the year, after all – there are bits of the site you can enter for free.

So what else did we learn from our non-subscription browse of Kim’s new website? Well, she recently had a pregnancy craving so powerful that she was forced to fly to New Orleans to eat 10 beignets (like a deep-fried choux pastry fritter). Oh, and she can’t stand the smell of fish and chips at the moment, it “sets me off a bit”.

Finally, this piece of advice comes straight from Kim’s mind:

Ladies and gentlemen: Kim Kardashian.

Kim Kardashian naked - every nude picture she's EVER posted