Lauren Goodger’s bare, bare bottom news now, and the former TOWIE tan magnate — who’s famous catchphrase is, ‘I don’t want to talk about Mark Wright, NO I ACTUALLY DON’T THIS TIME, I REALLY MEAN IT, BUT IF YOU WANT A QUOTE THEN HE DEFINITELY STILL ISN’T OVER ME’ — posted a picture of her bare bottom on the Internet this week.
But, get this: by accident. Right? You’re thinking: ‘Hmm,’ you’re thinking. ‘Hmm. It’s actually quite tricky to post a picture on Instagram, isn’t it? You have to upload it. You have to crop it. You have to add a filter. You have to caption it. That is, what, a five-click process? Minimum? Like: you can’t just sit on your phone and have it do Instagram for you, can you? That’s, like: actually impossible?’ and you are right to think that, heat reader, you are right to think that thing. Because it is impossible to do an Instagram by accident.
And yet here’s the Sun, with the news that Lauren Goodger — who maintains a strict ten selfies-a-day routine, so she knows how Instagram works — accidentally did an Instagram. Of her bare bottom.
“The former TOWIE star pulled her trousers down and flashed her bare bottom to her 1.27million Twitter followers at the weekend,” the paper said. “She later deleted the photo, captioned: ‘Me and mumma d... Normal Thursday night dinner... hot mumma’.”
As well as having a deleted bottom, Lauren has made headlines recently after a six-second sex tape – which some truthers have questioned the actual existence of, as if TOWIE’s Lauren Goodger would do something as desperate enough to make up a sex tape! As if! – did the rounds on BBM and WhatsApp. It sees her do something intimate with her face and her ex-boyfriend’s crotch, in case you were wondering.
With the bum picture and the mouth stuff video and the Rihanna-bodysuit-boob-picture, it seems Lauren is basically using the Internet to release a jigsaw puzzle of her naked body. Either that or she’s going to do Celebrity Big Brother and is just leaving us a few breadcrumbs of news stories to write about while she’s in there. Who knows. Who knows what goes on behind the scenes at Lauren Goodger HQ. Who knows.