Lauren 'looks a bit like a lampshade' Harries has definitely, definitely, DEFINITELY had sex with Russell Brand, for defs. And she's going to write a tell-all book about it, apparently.
The Celebrity Big Brother contestant swore on her life, yeah, that she doesn't lie about these sorts of things when she appeared on This Morning today to discuss the story.
She claims that she met the man who most closely resembles a dirty Jesus on the set of Big Brother's Big Mouth in 2006 and the pair flirted outrageously before convening at a nearby Holiday Inn.
OH THE HEADY ROMANCE
"It was 8.15pm, usually my time for changing into a negligee and cuddling up with my picnic, but tonight was different," she said.
[Wait, Lauren Harries cuddles up with a picnic? Is this a thing? Does she share her sleeping space with mini pork pies and wasps? Wouldn't that be a bit uncomfortable? Anyway, on with the story.]
"Tonight I had a date. I had little experience of dating men in Britain, as soon as they knew who I was, they were frightened off, not because of my small fame, but because I used to be a man. Is this too much for a man to accept? I knew it would take a man with real awareness and strength to take me on."
Cue our Russ swooping in, all shaggin' and cor-blimeying, to sweep Lauren off her fluffy slippers.
"I had sex with Russell Brand in one of [Big Brother production company] Endemol's cheap hotels. Although Russell thinks he's Jesus - believe me girls, he's not," she added.
Poor old Russell. It should be mentioned though that Brand himself doesn't actually remember this encounter at all.
When the story broke at the start of September, he tweeted: "Mum: You wouldn't do it with that Lauren lady - you hardly knew him! Me: To be fair Mum that's not stopped me in the past.
"With respect to the ol' transgender community, I didn't have it off with the antiques kid off Wogan. My favourite media lie ever though."
Here's a video we uncovered of Lauren and Russell having a little flirt on BBBM seven years ago. YOU'RE WELCOME.