Let’s take a second to appreciate the genius that is Tom Hardy’s Myspace bio


Tom Hardy

by Rosie Gizauskas |
Published on

Is YOUR Myspace page still out there, festering, with all those Noughties neon and duck face photos on full display, possibly with Panic At The Disco as background music?

And are you having a minor panic attack right now because you STILL can’t remember the password, or indeed the login?

No, it’s not going to disappear if you just ignore it. Best get sifting through that dormant Hotmail account to find out the goddamn login details because the internet is coming for you, especially if you’re a celeb.

More news!

    We’ve seen Tom Hardy’s Myspace photos before, but we weren’t privy to his bio (read: hyperactive humblebrag extraordinaire). Until now.

    It’s emerged on the internet, and here are the best bits. Enjoy.

    "I never lie. If you suck you suck..If you're good I take my hat off and I'm all over you. I'll bend over backwards to help anyone of their word,” Tom says, launching full throttle into one of those mid-Noughties internet rambles that now seem archaic. BUT IT’S ALL REAL.

    “I have a head like a disco ball,” Tom continues.

    That's not a disco ball, but it's pretty close

    “The mind is like a parachute it will only work when it is opened,” he says. Grammar is also like a parachute, Tom, and in your case one with the strings cut, but we’ll let you off because you’re so pretty.

    “My head is like a dangerous neighbourhood I should never be in it without an appropriate adult,” he continues, which we’re pretty sure we had written on our JanSport bag with Tippex circa 2001.

    “I am a goldfish walking through a desert,” he finishes.

    We’d like to point out that we cut this monologue down by 90 per cent, but it’s out there on the internet in full if you want to read the rest.

    This isn’t going to go away, Tom, sorry.

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