Miss Piggy turns agony aunt to answer celebs’ biggest dilemmas

'Cause who better to take life advice from than a pig in a wig?

Miss Piggy

by Carl Smith |
Updated on

Here at heatworld we look up to Miss Piggy a lot. You'd think the fact a pig has better hair, bigger diamonds and her sh*t together so much more than us would prove pretty intimidating; but if anything we simply strive to BE MORE PIGGY.

So, since she's basically an oracle, we thought we'd put some celebs' biggest life dilemmas to Miss Piggy and ask her to go all agony aunt on us ahead of The Muppets Take The O2 shows in London this July.

Let's see what advice she has for the likes of Justin Bieber, Liam Payne and Cheryl Tweedy and Khloé Kardashian, shall we?

Khloé Kardashian had an absolute nightmare when footage of her baby daddy Tristan Thompson looking cosy with other women leaked on the internet. Should you ever take a cheating lover back, Miss Piggy?

Take a cheating lover back? Perish the thought…and perish the cheat. Naturally, in my case, this answer is purely hypothetical, since no one would dare cheat on moi. Don’t you agree?....Of course you do.

Liam Payne's admitted things aren't all 'fine and dandy' with his girlfriend Cheryl Tweedy following the birth of their son. You've obviously had your ups and downs with Kermit, so what tips would you give the couple on dating in the public eye?

As you know, the frog and I are no longer dating. There are many reasons for our break-up, all of which are his fault. But being in the public eye certainly makes it more difficult to maintain a romantic liaison with the man or frog in your life. So I recommend this to Liam and Cheryl: hire more publicists.

They can whip up all sorts of wonderful lovey-dovey press coverage about your relationship, regardless of what’s really happening. And then, when you read the coverage, you think: “I must be happy! I read it online that I am!” …..While this approach didn’t work with me and the frog, it’s certainly worth another shot. Good luck.

Geordie Shore's Marnie Simpson's faced her fair share of online trolling in her time; most recently being compared to an 'elephant.' What are your top tips for beating the bullies on social media?

I adore Marnie, and am so sorry that she has to deal with online trolls! But such is the life and burden of celebrities such as us. As for “ignoring” these trolls, I have no tips. But if you can convince them to meet you in person, I find that the best rejoinder is a well-placed karate chop – Hiiiiiiii-yaaaaaa!!!

Share that, buster.

Miss Piggy and Kermit
©The Muppets

Fifth Harmony recently split after YEARS of rumours they don't get on behind-the-scenes. How do you deal with nightmare colleagues (and who's the one person you've liked working alongside the least)?

I don’t have nightmare colleagues; I AM the nightmare colleague. It’s actually in my Diva Contract (Section 3; Paragraph 22; Subsection 14a; Codicil G-12). That said, I get along with all of my colleagues, unless they make the mistake of getting between moi and the camera, in which case they are no longer colleagues, n’est ce pas? As for whom I least like working alongside: Hey, I gotta save something for my next “tell-all” book.

I’ll give you the name when I come back to promote it.

Speaking of nightmare colleagues, how are things with Denise at the moment?

Denise? Denise?...Oh yes, the junior network executive who was trying to wheedle in on Kermit. From what I understand (though I really don’t care) that relationship didn’t work out. So Denise is out of the picture, or as we say in Hollywood: She’s on the shelf, in turn-around, and going direct-to-video.

Justin Bieber lashed out at a fan who tried to take a sneaky selfie with him last week - but what are YOUR top tips for taking that perfect selfie?

Never take it yourself. I usually have Rankin, Mario Testino or Annie Leibovitz take my selfies. Remember, anything worth doing is worth having someone else do it for you.

The Muppets
©The Muppets

Zayn Malik's having a bit of a career crisis right now and apparently wants to go into acting; but if you could do one job you haven't already (you've had a LOT), what would it be and why?

It’s true, I have done almost everything – movie star, singer, dancers, fashion icon, artistic muse, and diva, to name a few. But there is one job I would absolutely love to try: stage actress….Oh wait! I just remembered, I will be a stage actress, right here in London onJuly 13th, 14th during our first-ever live show in Europe – The Muppets Take The O2. History in the making!

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle finally get married this month. Do you see yourself ever marrying Kermit?

No. That part of my life is over. The frog and I had a memorable romantic relationship, and we are still together on screen and on stage, at the 02 Arena….July 13th, 14th. Whaddayamean, I should stop plugging the show?

Why do you think I agreed to this interview …..Now where were we? Oh yes, will Kermit and I ever get married? I have learned to never say never…..But, strictly between moi and Meghan: it’s a lot easier to get a prince her way than by kissing a frog.

The Muppets Take The O2 will be at The O2, London on July 13th and 14th - tickets from www.aegpresents.co.uk.

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