Myleene Klass has released a giant RAT-EATING CRAB in Hampstead Heath, FFS

Alright Londoners, everybody start making your way to higher ground

myleene and crab collage

by Emmeline Saunders |
Published on

We’re having to type this up real quick because we’re actually leaving London RIGHT NOW, and we suggest if you’re anywhere near the capital you start getting your shit together too.

Why? Oh, only because Myleene Klass released a coconut crab that she found in her suitcase onto Hampstead Heath, and now we’re all fleeing for our lives.

‘A little crab? Wotchoo worried about that for?’ we hear you thinking. ER, have you not even HEARD of coconut crabs? They grow up to THREE FEET LONG and FEAST ON RATS. Now are you ready to pack and leave? GOOD.

UGH UGH UGH (pic from Wiki. THANK GOD.)

It all happened after Myleene got back from filming her new docu-series Singing In The Rainforest on the Pacific island of Mogmog.

“I don’t know if somebody packed this or what, but in my bag when I got home was a giant crab. They must be hardy these crabs, it made it all the way back,” she revealed, like it was NBD, like it was an everyday occurrence to find a GIANT TROPICAL CRAB hiding in your salty bikini bottoms.

So what did British musical sensation Myleene Klass do with this incredible powerful crab – a crab with jaws strong enough to bite through actual coconut shells? She, er, just set it free in north London.


“I kept thinking, ‘I’ve got to let this crab go free because it is not very happy here in Highgate’. So we let it free on Hampstead Heath – I’ve probably ruined the eco system,” she added, gaily.


If that wasn’t bad enough, two separate dog-walkers claim to have spotted the crustacean hiding up a tree since it first tasted freedom, which means it’s now biding its time to attack a tasty-looking victim.

Alright, that’s enough talk. Get a map, draw a 60-mile radius around Hampstead Heath, and if you’re in that circle: just f*cking RUN.

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