After hosting the awards three times in a row and receiving some controversy over his jokes (what did they really expect), Ricky Gervais said he wouldn’t host the Golden Globes again.
But this year, Ricky will be back hosting the awards on Sunday 10 January, and there will be no holding back.
"They said I could say what I want again," Ricky told Ellen DeGeneres during her show. He also said that he tends to come up with his ideas as the show goes on, rather than going by a scripted speech.
So to celebrate Ricky’s return, and in the hope of some more shocking jokes at this year’s awards ceremony, we’ve put together some of his best gags from his previous Golden Globes presenting stints.
2010:
"Looking at all the wonderful faces here today reminds me of the great work that’s been done this year… by cosmetic surgeons. I’ve had some work done, too. I’ve had a penis reduction. Just got the one now. And it is very tiny. But then so are my hands, so when I’m holding it, it looks pretty big."
"Actors aren’t just loved here in Hollywood, they are loved the world over. You could be in the third world and get a glimpse of a Hollywood star and it could make you feel a little bit better. You could be a little Asian child with no possessions and no money. But you could see a picture of Angelina Jolie and you’d think, ‘Mummy!’"
"This next category is a bit of a downer. It’s for writing. We all know writers get too much credit in Hollywood, when actors mention them. I don’t mean to keep going on about actors, but they’re the most important ones, OK? It’s not the words you say, it’s how good you look when you’re saying them."
"I hope I haven’t offended anyone. It’s not my fault [points at his drink]. I like a drink as much as the next man. Unless the next man is Mel Gibson."
2011:
"It's going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking – or as Charlie Sheen calls it: breakfast."
“It was a big year for 3D movies. Toy Story, Despicable Me, Tron. Everything this year was three-dimensional, except the characters in The Tourist. I feel bad about that joke. I'm jumping on the bandwagon, because I haven't even seen that movie. Who has?"
"Also not nominated,* I Love You Phillip Morris*. Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor, two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay. So the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists, then. My lawyers helped with that joke."
"Talking of The Walking Dead, congratulations to Hugh Hefner, who is getting married at age 84 to 24-year-old beauty Crystal Harris. When asked why she was marrying him, she said, 'He lied about his age. He told me he was 94'. Just don't look at it when you touch it."
On the Lost series finale: "I'm not sure I totally understood it all, but from what I could make out, I'm pretty sure the fat one ate them all."
Introducing Bruce Willis: "You know our next presenter from such films as Hudson Hawk, Look Who's Talking, Mercury Rising, Color of Night, The Fifth Element, Hart's War. Please welcome Ashton Kutcher's dad, Bruce Willis."
"There were a lot of big films that didn’t get nominated. Nothing for Sex and the City 2. I was sure the Golden Globes for special effects would go to the team that airbrushed that poster."
Introducing Robert Downey Jr.: "He has done all of those films, but many of you in this room probably know him best from such facilities as The Betty Ford Clinic and the Los Angeles County Jail. Robert Downey, Jr.!"
"What can I say about our next two presenters? The first is an actor, producer, writer and director whose movies have grossed over $3.5 billion at the box office. He’s won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes for his powerful and varied performances starring in such films as Philadelphia, Forrest Gump, Castaway, Apollo 13 and Saving Private Ryan. The other is Tim Allen."
2012:
"And I'm not to libel anyone. And I must not mention Mel Gibson this year. Not his private life, his politics, his recent films, and especially not Jodie Foster's Beaver. I haven't seen it myself. I spoken to a lot of guys here, they haven't seen it either. That doesn't mean it's not any good."
"What's with all the divorces? What's going on? Arnold and Maria, J.Lo and Marc Anthony, Ashton and Demi. Kim Kardashian and some guy no one will remember. He wasn't around long. 72 days. A marriage that lasted 72 days. I've sat through longer James Cameron acceptance speeches."
On Salma Hayek and Antonio Banderas: "I don't know because I can't understand a f--king word they're saying."
About Bridesmaids star Melissa McCarthy: "She made her mark in comedy this summer by defecating into a sink. Amazingly, that’s still less demeaning than what most of you have done to make it in show business."
"Justin Bieber nearly had to take a paternity test. What a waste of a test that would have been. No, he's not the father. The only way that he could impregnate a girl was if he borrowed one of Martha Stewarts old turkey basters."
To Johnny Depp: "I want to ask you a question. And be honest. Are you on recreational drugs? I'm joking, that's not the question. And we all know the answer. Have you seen The Tourist yet?"
"Tonight you get Britain’s biggest comedian, hosting the world’s second biggest awards show on America’s third biggest network. Sorry, is it? Fourth. It’s fourth. For any of you who don’t know, the Golden Globes are just like the Oscars, but without all that esteem. The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton. A bit louder, a bit trashier, a bit drunker, and more easily bought. Allegedly. Nothing’s been proved."
"Last year, our next presenter won both the Golden Globe and the Oscar for her work in Black Swan. This year, she took some time out to have a baby. Consequently, she’s been nominated for nothing. Really pathetic. But she learned that valuable lesson you all already knew — never put family first. Please welcome the very foolish Natalie Portman."
"Who needs the Oscars? Not me, and not Eddie Murphy. He walked out on 'em, and good for him. But when the man who said yes to Norbit, says no, you know you're in trouble. I love Eddie Murphy. He loves dressing up, doesn’t he? Versatile. He’s versatile. No, he is. Bit of trivia for you: Eddie Murphy and Adam Sandler between them played all the parts in the movie The Help. Isn’t that brilliant. They were brilliant. I can’t believe they’re not here. Or maybe they are. They’re masters of disguise.”