My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard / and they’re like / ‘Yo where the milkshake at?’ / they’re like / ‘Seriously there was a sign outside saying “TASTY AND DELICIOUS MILKSHAKES” and now there is nothing’ / damn right / ‘Like, I am leaving if you don’t produce a milkshake sometime soon’ / ‘I travelled 80 miles for this milkshake!’ / ‘We want shake! We want shake!’ / I could teach you / but I’d have to charge
And so to milkshake purveyor and cash-in-hand educator Kelis, who, despite her eponymous 2003 hit, Milkshake, has revealed this week that she doesn’t actually like milkshakes. Everything you thought you knew to be true was a lie. That three-boobed woman was a hoax. Sam Pepper is slightly less of a douchenozzle than you thought. And Kelis doesn’t like milkshakes. Screw you, 2014. You are the worst year.
“Funnily, enough I don't actually drink milkshakes,” she told the Mirror, after they asked her favourite milkshake flavour (peanut butter-banana is the correct answer to this question, FYI).
The shake hater added that she did like sauce, though, and had her own line of sauces coming out soon. Nobody cares about sauce, Kelis! Ketchup has already been invented!
“I would love to open a restaurant in the near future,” she said. “My current sauce line Feast will be coming out this winter.” “[I have] a lot of various food related goals in the upcoming year — I'm excited to see what's to come!” Maybe you can take our shattered dreams, Kelis, and our broken, bereft heart, and cook them into a stew. Maybe you could do that.