Taylor Swift, in a cave on a distant hill, guzzles teeth-first on a human heart. “THE HEARTS OF YOUNG HOLLYWOOD MEN,” she booms, into the flames in front of her. “THEY ARE THE ONLY THING THAT KEEP ME SUPPLE AND YOUNG. THEY ARE THE ONLY THING THAT SUSTAIN MY FOLKSY BRAND OF POP HITS.” Jake Gyllenhaal lays ravaged beside her. There, in the distance, what remains of John Mayer tries to crawl towards the sea. “TAYLOR… SWIFT… IS… AT ONE… WITH… THE INFINITE.”
Anyway next on Taylor’s hit list is *Home and Away *star Brenton Thwaites who – despite rumours that the pair are dating being quashed by his camp earlier this week – is, apparently, all she can talk about. RUN, BRENTON. RUN.
The pair met briefly at last week’s Toronto International Film Festival, where they supposedly hit it off at a private afterparty. And now a source tells Hollywoodlife that Brenton is all Taylor can talk about these days, all essay-like diary entries in long looping handwriting and looking out of the window on a rainy day and sighing over him.
“Taylor won’t stop talking about Brenton,” the source said. “She spends every waking minute she can talking about him.”
An eyewitness told Us Weekly that the pair “were making each other laugh. She touched his leg a few times. They seemed very into each other”. So… they are basically married now, yes? Let’s say they are married. We’re sending you kids a cutlery set, nonetheless.
Anyway Taylor spent yesterday baking all of the cookies in the world, because of course she did: