Taylor Swift wants to make money off our WORDS, now

Conjure, if you will, the image of Taylor Swift to your mind. Is she skipping merrily in a meadow of flowers? No. Is she chin-deep in a cloud of kittens? Nope. Is she writing beautiful notes in her dainty handwriting to a new batch of Swifties? Nein. Because Tay-Tay is embroiled in a MASSIVE legal sitch that could potentially GAG US ALL*.

[*Well, only if you wanted to try and make a fortune off her unauthorised image, like Topshop tried with Rihanna]

Yep, the Blank Space singer has decided that taking over the world using just sheer charm and Cath Kidson pyjamas wasn’t enough – now she's coming to stop all those naughty merchandisers from making cash-dollar off her.

So she’s been busy trademarking the best bits of her songs – “this sick beat”, “party like it’s 1989”, “nice to meet you, where you been?” – and if you attempt to put any of them on a t-shirt, she WILL set her cats on you.

A bit of poking around trademark database Justia throws up some incredible things (oh F**K, that’s one of them – sorry lawyers). Um, like, did you know “Taylor Swift” is trademarked by Taylor Swift? And also “fearless”? And even “love love love”? Even though we’re pretty sure the Beatles had that one first?

Not even government officials are safe from the benign tyranny of Ms Swift’s hold over the English language – the next time a vicar at a wedding says, “Speak now”, he or she is technically in breach of Tay’s trademark. Well, they would be if they printed it on something and then tried to flog it.

Oh, and you can forget selling essays about T. S. Eliot – those initials are TAYLOR’S and TAYLOR’S alone, you got that?

Luckily, we can still “shake it off” and point out that the haters will indeed continue to hate. So let’s do that until we’re no longer allowed to refer to that year between 1988 and 1990 in case Taylor's cats come and get us.

(We still love love love you, Tay-Tay)

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