We've all been talking about how rubbish 2016 has been - the deaths of David Bowie, Alan Rickman and Terry Wogan, ruddy Brexit, the terrifying rise of Donald Trump, the removal of the humble Toffee Deluxe from Quality Street, the bleaching of the Great Barrier Reef, the death of GBBO… We're going to stop here now before we start SOBBING AT OUR DESK.
But did the pure shitness of 2016 actually begin before the clock struck midnight on New Year's Day? What if the trouble started six months before that? What if… what if Zayn Malik was the cause of it all?
Hear us out. Remember a simpler time, a time that now seems drenched in golden light, like the highlighty Snapchat filter we all go crazy for, a time when Zayn Malik was happily coupled up with Perrie Edwards and Nigel Farage was still a laughing stock rather than a harbinger of doom? So do we. And what did Zayn do? He f*cked it.
He totally f*cked it, and he did it in a text message costing roughly 10p.
Because it now turns out that Zayn not only DID dump Perrie by SMS, he also lied about NOT doing it.
As Perrie reveals in Little Mix's new book Our World, she's now rebuilding her life and discovering her independence after "going through a really rough time".
"It was horrible, the worst time in my life," she goes on.
"A four-year relationship, two-year engagement ended by a simple text message. Just like that. Even though things in my career were going really well, it was incredibly difficult for me."
But she credits the other Mixers for helping her get through it, adding that "the girls were amazing".
"We'd have sleepovers and they'd get my favourite desserts and do everything they could to cheer me up. I surrounded myself with friends and family… I didn't want to be alone because when I was I'd start thinking about things and get upset."
:((((
It goes against what Zayn told Fade magazine last year, when he said:
"If you could word it exactly this way, I'd be very appreciative. I have more respect for Perrie than to end anything over text message.
"I love her a lot, and I always will, and I would never end our relationship over four years like that."
:'((((((((((((
Luckily, Perrie's moved on now, to Our Girl / Skins fitster Luke Pasqualino - the pair have been on a string of dates, and, after a slightly bumpy start, seem to be getting on like the proverbial house on fire.
But Zayn? We'll never forget how much you f*cked 2016. Thanks, mate.
READ MORE:
Zayn Malik finally reveals the REAL reason he split from Perrie Edwards
Little Mix insist Zayn Malik 'didn't deserve a warning' about THAT bedroom skills diss song