If you, like us, are inherently suspicious of people who insist there was life before Kim Kardashian’s sex tape, you are about to have your tiny mind blown to pieces.
Because a video has emerged of a fresh-faced 13-year-old Kim going a bit ‘puberty hormones’ when confronted with a camera. Incredible.
As part of a special for her 34th birthday yesterday, Entertainment Tonight unearthed this old footage of the reality star with a glossy bob and zero spots (i.e, the complete opposite of all other 13 year olds on this planet) shouting into a mic about how she’s the “dopest on the ropest” while her friends all jostle each other.
“Is anyone getting a tape of this? I hope you do, so when I’m famous you can remember me as this beautiful little girl,” she gabs right into the camera.
“Excuse me, are you leaving? My name’s Kim Kardashian, I’m the dopest on the ropest person in this class,” she kontinues. “She’s just jealous because I’m more popular than her.”
In a hauntingly prophetic statement, she explains: “Excuse me? Kris loves me the most and everyone’s just jealous because I’m the most popular.” What a brat. How did Khloe and Kourtney refrain from punching her in the face every day?
Speaking of the rest of the klan, you can also see a baby Kourtney and a hilariously 1994 Kris Jenner joining Kim and her mates to party the night away at Kim’s eighth grade graduation, which was apparently a thing for extremely rich families in the mid-Nineties States.
Kim Kardashian's best internet reaction and meme viral pictures
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The time Kim Kardashian dressed as a Mrs Doubtfire AND a sofa at the Met Ball in New York in 2013
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Or was she copying the outfit Homer Simpson opted for after he put on a bit of weight
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And let's not forget the time she tried to take a Selfie with Miley Cyrus but the singer thrust her bum at her and threw Kim into a state of terror
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it seems people love it when Kim gets scared because when this basketball came flying at her mug her fellow spectators got an instant face transplant with the same expression. Anyone else think Kim's surrounding faces look a bit like her mum Kris Jenner?
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Kim has always been a big fan of Halloween and often dresses up in costumes like this. Here she is Superwoman. Can you see it?
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Well, it seems she didn't realise just how big the costume made her boobs look. Queue shocked face!
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Kim has quite a talent when it comes to throwing a Halloween costume here. Pumpkin or Kim? Pumpkin or Kim? Hmmmm. Who knows?!
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Of course, Kim's crying face is absolutely epic and can pop up at any time. here it is on her FOOT when it expanded while she was pregnant
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It hasn't always been about Kim. Remember when she was pals with Paris Hilton and Paris was the bigger star? HILAR!
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After Kim and Paris had their falling out the reality star found other friends to hang out with - in this case she made some new, and very different kinds of pals, by dressing as a killer whale
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Kim became so at one with her new friends she even morphed into one of them
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Eventually Kim found the perfect partner in Kanye West - perhaps because they have matching boobs
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But Kanye soon grew VERY tired of Kim's endless selfie taking
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And Kanye often found himself contemplating the meaning of life while Kim was having a whale of a time
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But they soon found happiness and grew old and, erm, comfortable together
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And they then had a baby together who looked JUST LIKE THIS