Watch North West shutting down Paparazzi in the cutest way ever: “I said no pictures”

"Hello, lowly subjects. I'm North West. And I'm the best baby in the world. Go on, look at my chubby cheeks and tiny fingers. Aren't I just the cutest? Now shut up and take my picture."

"This is my dad. He's got a silly name which I can't pronounce because I'm still very much a baby. He likes the sound of his own voice but he's quite good at jiggling me up in the air until I'm sick on his head. The Mum laughs and Dad gets cross."

"Sometimes when I have a bad hair day I command Mum to make me look like a baby chick. She loves it. Look at her - she can't keep her hands off my button nose."

"Here's me about to show Mum just why she shouldn't trust gravity minutes after feeding me."

"Mum and Dad got dressed up all silly today and Granny Kris kept crying and Auntie Khloe drank too much of Mum's Mummy Juice and fell over. It was fun, even when I had a nappy accident in my white dress. Actually, that was the best bit."

"This is me with some peasants who came to wish me a happy first birthday. I don't know what was in that cake, but I knew I wanted to wear it in my hair."

"Stand over there, man, and don't get your germs on my adorable face."

"Someone tried to tell me Blue Ivy was cuter than me. I sneezed in their face. That'll learn 'em."

"I was all set to go to the gym but then Mum showed up in this frankly unacceptable top and I made her go and get changed."

God, I hate when my staff can't get their s**t together. Where's my goddamn car? I refuse to be carried one step further."

"This is the day Dad took me to the place he called a Stoo-dee-O. I didn't really understand what it was for because all Dad did was play me some of his music. Didn't think much of it TBH - I much prefer Twinkle Twinkle."

"Mum dressed us in matching outfits today. Soooo cringeworthy. It's alright though - I smushed some banana onto her top during lunch so she had to go and change. That'll teach her - get your own style, Mum!"

"Me and Dad reeeeeally wanted to go to soft-play but Mum said Granny Kris was coming over and Dad said something under his breath that sounded like, "For God's sake why did you ever give her that spare key" and Mum said, "What did you say?" and Dad said, "Nothing, darling!" and Mum said, "Humph" and anyway we ended up not going to soft-play."