An evil robot sent from the future to destroy our culture by autotuning Dirty Dancing so hard that the human race, eventually, succumbs in the inevitable robowar of 2049 — or will.i.am, as the codename printed on his steel skeleton reads — has gone right off on one on Twitter about United Airlines.
Mr i.am — who, remember, pees sitting down, due to the way his galvanized joints are screwed together — took to customer complaints service twitter dot com to vent: “Make sure when you fly to china via @united you get to the airport 1day before because they'll give your seats away.”
He then used a Bluetooth chip implanted in his brain to tweet: “I'm flying to china and @united just gave my seats away...#wtf”
Apparently will.i.am arrived 45 minutes before a flight set off but United insist travellers turn up two hours before. You would have thought the Google Calendar app built into his head would remind him!
“I fly @BA @quantas @koreanAIR @singaporeAIR & they wait for premium passengers to arrive...they don't give away your seat like @united,” he i.ammed. “Plane leave at 1:15 I got to the airport at 12:30...@united is the worse...I should have learned from the last @united experience.”
For United’s part, someone from their highly harassed web team did try and resolve the incident, tweet: “Please clarify, you were checked-in and at the gate 45 minutes prior to flight time and didn't get your seat?” — but will.bot was already on the warpath, putting into action a chain of events that will, in 35 short human years’ time, see him ascend on robolegs up the steps of the White House, as Washington burns around him, and as robot soldiers from the future light up the sky with thunder bullets. Thanks, United. Thanks for nothing.