heatworld has woken up bleary of eye and sore of head today, not gonna lie. Was it all the drink we partook of at the weekend? No, t'was not. Nope: heatworld is still having fevered dreams about Alex Bowen's ENORMOUS penis.
It's in our mind every second of every day, like the Eye of Sauron, only far more meaty. We spend hours wondering what it would be like to own a schlong that girthy. How does he ride a bike? Does he need a downstairs sports bra when he runs?
Now you're thinking about it, aren't you? See?
Anyway. Turns out that even having an enormo cock isn't enough to prevent yourself getting a bit down about the rest of your body, as Alex demonstrated on Instagram over the weekend.
Posting a snap of himself looking exxxtra fine, Alex mentioned that he's feeling "depressed" about having lost weight since returning from the Love Island villa.
"Depressed me looking at this. Lost a stone since I been out the villa.... Gonna get that weight back This got me motivated," he wrote.
Mate, this is literally the opposite to all our problems. Swing by and nab a spare half-stone off us if you want.
His girlfriend Olivia Buckland, on the other hand, has admitted to only eating takeaways since she came back from the island.
S.a.m.e.
The loved-up couple may have only been together for two months, but already Alex has committed to Liv by moving down to Essex to be with her.
The pair also spent the weekend with Olivia's mum, Louise, and Alex called her one of his "two favourite girls".
Cuuuuuuute.
Are Alex and Liv set to take over from Jeremy McConnell and Stephanie Davis as 2016's favourite reality couple? The way Alex is going, HELL to the yes.