As Noddy Holder once said, “It’s Chriiiiisstmmmaasss!”
And after a round of parties, shopping, away in a manger-ing, and more egg-nog than we thought a human could drink, there’s nothing better than a slump in front of the telly-box.
But what to watch? Here’s what.
Best Things To Watch On TV On Christmas Eve
Peter Kay: 20 Years Of Funny, 9.05pm BBC2
"Garlic bread? GARLIC BR-" Oh, you get the idea.
Perennially funny Peter has been back on the comedy radar this year, and so enjoy this hour-long tribute that hopefully contains a sled-load of Phoenix Nights.
Walliams And Friend, BBC1 10:50pm
David Walliams brings us a good, old-fashioned, sketch show although we’re not sure it’s one you should settle down to watch with your nan.
The friend is Joanna Lumley though, so expect rude LOLs galore.
Casino Royale, ITV2 9pm
Is your mum feeling a bit frazzled with the effort of entertaining the family, keeping her cool in the face of Uncle Knobhead and wondering how she’s going to fit the biggest turkey in Birkenhead in the oven tomorrow? If so, 1. Get your dad to pull his finger out, this is 2015. And 2. Sit your ma down in front of* Casino Royale*.
Daniel Craig emerging from the sea in those teeny powder blue trunks makes everything better. Trust us.
Best Things To Watch On TV On Christmas Day
Doctor Who, BBC1, 5:15pm
“It’s a big, rollicking Doctor Who adventure but with a festive, comic edge to it,” Peter Capaldi told heat. And it’s got Matt Lucas in it, so it’s bound to be good.
Scrooged, Channel 4, 3:45pm
It is the actual law that everyone in the world loves Bill Murray, so this delightfully mean, oh-so-very-‘80s, retelling of A Christmas Carol is a great one to watch with all the family. Yes, even mean Uncle Tony.
Bonus points for giving him some serious side-eye during the especially “Bah, humbug” moments.
EastEnders, BBC1, 8:45pm
Because Christmas isn’t Christmas without a festive visit to misery-hung Albert Square. Speculation is rife as to which “much-loved” character is going to the great Queen Victoria in the sky this year (our money’s on Ronnie Mitchell) but, on the upside, 'orrible Bobby Beale may FINALLY be getting his come-uppance for killing his sister. Woo!
Best Things To Watch On TV On Boxing Day
Jurassic Park, ITV 1:20pm
The best action film about a dinosaur theme park gone wrong EVER made. The velociraptors still have us running for cover behind the sofa, mind.
And Then There Were None, BBC1, 8pm
Fitlord Aidan Turner from Poldark looks broodingly sexual in what looks to be a superb telling of the Agatha Christie mystery. Ten strangers are called to an isolated island and all accused of murder. Then someone begins killing them.
It’s costume drama but with a shudder-down-the-spine edge. Perfect to jerk one out of a turkey sandwich coma.
Surprise Surprise, ITV 7pm
Are you missing One Direction already? Then do we have a – wait for it – surprise for you! The other Fab Four give two deserving sisters the shock (the good kind) of a lifetime in this heart-warming edition.
Best Things To Watch On TV On 27 December
Fungus The Bogeyman, 6pm Sky 1
Timothy Spall leads an impressive cast including Victoria Wood, Keeley Hayes and Andy Serkis is this “three fart special”. LOL. Should delight the puerile and the puerile at heart alike.
Mary Poppins, BBC1, 1:50pm
If “It’s a jolly holiday with Mary,” doesn’t get you out of a festive stupor and dancing around your living room you are basically dead inside. There. We said it.
Harry Price: Ghost Hunter, ITV, 8:30pm
Rafe Spall (son of Timothy, as mentioned above) stars in this adaptation of novel The Ghost Hunters. It’s 1920s London and Harry is trying to help an MP’s wife who believes she’s being haunted.
Gotta love a bit of Christmas spirits.
Best Things To Watch On TV On 28 December
Gogglebox, Channel 4, 9pm
The TV show about watching people watch TV is one of the best things on TV. And this round up of the best bits of the year will be a highlight in the festive schedules.
We’re hoping for lots of June and the increasingly crotchety Leon, the ever-wonderful Siddiquis and, our personal hero, Scarlett Moffat.
Big Cats: An Amazing Family, Sky 1, 8pm
Cats, they’re no dogs, but even we acknowledge that the big ones are pretty amazing,
This fascinating two-part doc looks into the fearsome side of the feline family and includes an actual lion whisperer. Rather you than us, mate.
Tattoo Fixers, Channel 4 10:35pm
Two words: FIT JAY. He does things to us. In our pants. Not literally, calm down everyone.
We will be glued to this new series and Jay’s blue, blue eyes though.
Best Things To Watch On TV On 29 December
Frozen (singalong), Sky Movies Disney, 6:10pm
Haven’t had your fill of Frozen this Christmas? Are you sure?
OK then, tune into this special screening and prepare to sing along with all the right words. For once.
Storage Hunters UK Celebrity Special, Dave, 8pm
Well this looks all kinds of amaze. Bob Mortimer and Kimberley Wyatt are two of the celebs trying to out-manoeuvre each other in this special edition. Plus Sean Ryder and Bez are one of the bidding pairs hoping to make cash for charity. Actual Bez!
8 Out Of 10 Cats End Of Year Special, Channel 4, 9pm
The comedy gang dissect the big personalities of 2015 in this end of year special. Because Christmas can’t always be sweet, right?
Best Things To Watch On TV On 30 December
What Britain Bought In 2015, Channel 4, 8pm
We’re pretty sure we’re not alone in loving a sneaky peek at what’s in other people’s trolleys (right, guys?). So this look into the big shopping trends of the year with Mary Porstas looks right up our high street.
Catherine Tate’s Nan, BBC1, 10:25pm
We don’t know why a foul-mouthed OAP should be so funny, but f*ck it, we’re going with it. In the second visit this festive season, Nan is trying to stop her East End block of flats being taken over by property developers. Imagine that! Sadly, we can.
Great Barrier Reef, BBC1, 9pm
Sir David Attenborough uses a submarine to explore the Great Barrier Reef. David Attenborough! In a submarine! Amazing.
Best Things To Watch On TV On New Year’s Eve
Alan Carr’s New Year Specstacular, Channel 4, 9pm
We love a bit of Alan Carr here at heat, so are very excited about getting a bit tiddly watching Alan and his guests, including Danny Dyer and Mel B, do the same.
Bryan Adams Rocks Big Ben Live And New Year’s Eve Fireworks, BBC1, 11:30pm and midnight
We have literally no idea why the Beeb have chosen Canadian rocker Bryan Adams to welcome in 2016 but we’ll go with it, sure. And it’s live, unlike the lie that is Jool’s Hootenanny which we are still not over being recorded in advance sobs for lost innocence
Celebrity Couples Come Dine With Me, Channel 4, 6:35pm
We’ve never been that into the couples version of Come Dine With Me but for a celebrity edition we’re willing to give it another go. But only because Ricky Groves (formerly EastEnders’ Garry Hobbs) and Jaymi from Union J are taking part.
Best Things To Watch On TV On New Year’s Day
Sherlock: The Abominable Bride, BBC1 9pm
Unless you’ve been living under a deerstalker, you’ll know that this episode is set in the 19th century. Details of exactly how this ties-in with the modern-day Sherlock we’re used to (the Benedict Cumberbatch version, obvs – we have never read the books) but however they do it, and who ever dunnit, this is elementary festive viewing.
EastEnders, BBC1, 8pm
Yes, it’s a second appearance for the soap but, trust us, this one’s a cracker. It’s Mick and Linda Carter’s wedding day, which will mean a whole heap of drama involving awful Dean Carter and our queen, Shirley Carter. And there’s a New Year death to look forward to as well. Woo!
Coronation Street, ITV1, 7:30pm and 8:30pm
Corrie often gets overlooked at Christmas for the all-stops-pulled-out drama of ‘Enders (see above) but this double bill looks to be a corker. Carla, Weatherfield’s undercrackers queen, looks to be set for a fine romance (not fine) with Robert Preston. Don’t do it Carla! Oh, you have.