Nibbling chocolate-dipped strawberries in the park, at the top of a mountain with the wind screaming through your hair, at the peak of sexual orgasm: THESE are the normal places to declare your love.
But Jeremy McConnell has had enough of your social pressure bullshit – he’s told Stephanie Davis that he’s in love with her slap-bang in the middle of the Celebrity Big Brother house.
These two have been carrying out their game plan slowly growing closer together ever since entering the house, and in tonight’s show we’ll finally see Jeremy admitting that he does actually have feelings for her.
Speaking to Big Brother while he and Steph were in the bedroom, Jeremy said: “I fancy you, I fancy her and what? What you going to do about it?”
He then added: “And I've been a [REDACTED FOR RUDENESS] and so what, I'll get over it. It's a f*cking game show. You put us in this shit house and I find someone attractive. Yeah, I've fallen in love with her.”
Le gasp!
Steph, of course, went into the house coupled up and tooootally in love with boyfriend Sam Reece, while Jeremy is young, free and single (with the largest schlong this side of Justin Bieber). Still, Jezza insisted he’s “not a player, I’m a gentleman”.
He even tried to push Stephanie away last week after their flirting got too strong, saying: “I know it’s a game but I don't want you to go out and have no fella.”
Hmm. Bit late for that?
Meanwhile, speculation is still rife that model Sam will get parachuted into the CBB house to have it off out with Steph – here’s everything you need to know about him just in case it happens.
CBB January 2016 official line-up
CBB January 2016 official line-up
Gemma Collins
FUN FACT: Gemma once lost three stone in a month by JUST DRINKING JUICE. She must've been absolutely hank marvin.
Scotty T
FUN FACT: Geordie Shore's Scotty once got catfished so hard he drove three hours out of his way only to meet a 47-year-old man called Peter. ROFFLE.
Danniella Westbrook
FUN FACT: Danni's been touted for CBB for as long as we can remember, most recently last year after she admitted she needed a roof over her head because she'd been made homeless. Crikey.
Christopher Maloney
FUN FACT: The ex-X Factor star underwent £60,000 worth of plastic surgery in 2015 after getting sick of Mr Potato Head comparisons. 60,000. Of the Queen's English pounds.
Stephanie Davis
FUN FACT: Stephanie was 'let go' from her Hollyoaks contract in July 2015 following claims she'd been drinking on set. However, she's always denied the rumours - maybe CBB will be where she sets the record straight.
David Gest
FUN FACT: The ex-husband of Liza Minelli is reportedly trousering a sweet $1 million for this CBB stint. Spend it wisely, eh Dave? Maybe invest in some non-magician clothes.
Kristina Rihanoff
FUN FACT: Poor Kristina was given a rough ride by Twitter trolls after the breakdown of her relationship with Joe Calzaghe.
Darren Day
FUN FACT: Ol' Dazza once dated actual Isla Fisher. ISLA FISHER. WE KNOW.
Nancy Dell'Olio
FUN FACT: Nancy's not just the ex-girlfriend of Sven Goran-Eriksson - she's also a super-smart lawyer lady. Well, she was before all the reality shows.
Jonathan Cheban
FUN FACT: Before Kim Kardashian was even a twinkle in Ray J's eye, her now-BFF Jonathan was hanging out with the likes of Posh Spice.
Tiffany Pollard
Jeremy McConnell
Angie Bowie
John Partridge
Megan McKenna
FUN FACT: Back before the Ex On The Beach saga, Megs actually auditioned for Britain's Got Talent in 2009. And wore a tutu. And it was mega-awkward.
Winston McKenzie
FUN FACT: The former UKIP spokesperson dramatically quit the party after claiming he was facing, er, racial discrimination.