EastEnders’ Danny Dyer records a voiceover for the TUBE; commuters instantly start giving each other knuckle sandwiches

Danny Dyer runs a tight f_king ship. “You cleared all them Maccy D wrappers off the fking moving stair fings yet, guv?” he asks a startled TFL employee. “Er, no Mr Dyer – we’ve got a cleaning team who will do tha– ” “Good. Now, who’s this slag?” he demands, stabbing one finger at the CCTV screen. “That’s, uh, that’s the station manager. Her name is–” “I ain’t got time for this – I got a f__king city to run. Get me Boris on the f__king blower. If he ain’t got rid of them f__king ducks down Regents Park, I’m gonna f_*king do me nut, capisce?”

So those of you lucky enough to be travelling through Bromley-By-Bow tube station on London's Underground today want to keep your Britney Spears (ears, obvs) peeled as you run down the apples and pears to the barriers, because EastEnders’ Danny Dyer has recorded some voiceovers for commuters.

He’s done it as part of the 30th anniversary week celebrations for the BBC One soap, as Bromley-By-Bow is also known as the fictional Walford East tube station in EastEnders.

Passengers will be told to “stand back from the f**king edge, you slags” and to “make sure you carry a valid ticket under the Regulation of Railways Act 1889, section 5, otherwise you’re gonna taste my fist, geddit?”. We’re paraphrasing here, just so you know.

But here’s an actual genuine quote from Danny Dyer: “I can’t tell you how much I loved sitting in the Bromley-By-Bow control room with them lovely ladies in their blue coats who work tirelessly.

“I remember I used to go through there and get off at Mile End on the district line and change to the Central line to get to Stratford. It brought back some happy memories. So remember everyone – mind that gap.”

Incredible.

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