Do you have a dad? Would your dad like to travel more? Would your dad like to sample bits of Iceland, Spain, Greece and Portugal, all while staying in a picturesque resort in Germany? Also, is your dad pro-European?
If the answers to all those questions are yes, yes, yes and erm, yes, then you should think about taking dear old dad on a family trip to Europa Park, Germany. Nestled in southern Germany and just a stone's throw from the French border, Europa Park is essentially Disneyland Paris, but cheaper, more fun and well, not in Paris. It's headed up by Euro Mouse, Mickey's pro-EU cousin who is slapped over everything across the park merchandise to signs in the loos.
The park, which is currently celebrating its 40th anniversary, pulls together a host of mega-roller coasters, swanky hotels and excellent food. All topped off with super-friendly staff, a clean park and LOADS of live shows, including a medieval horse riding one - it’s a bit like Game of Thrones, except with a We Will Rock You clap-along segment - and a cheesy ice skating show, featuring music from Grease and Annie Lennox.
The highlights
The roller coasters
A theme park needs roller coasters like the TOWIE lot need Tango tans and luckily, Europa Park delivers in spades. Wodan is a hulking (and super-fast) wooden coaster that’ll set your teeth rattling. Meanwhile Silver Star encompases a 73m drop and goes on for a whopping 1.3km - they actually hide most of the track behind the park, so you don't realise how huge it is until you're on board.
Elsewhere there’s space-themed Euromir, which climbs you up a huge rocket in pitch black, before blasting you back into the sunlight. Then there's Blue Fire - which is the same as a ride in Seaworld - a hulking blue rollercoaster with more loops than a box of Cheerios.
Europa Park
The Hotel Bell Rock's snazzy fountains
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The park even has Western-themed accomodation
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Don't let the name put you off...
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But it's not all white-knuckle rides, there's a new addition themed around kids film Arthur And The Invisibles, plus there's a host of log flumes and water rides, such as Atlantica, Tirol Log Flume and Poseidon, a ride that starts as a normal coaster, then turns into a log flume. But that's not all, Europa Park is also trying out new tech to make their roller coasters even more exciting - using VR headsets riders on the Alpen Express Enzian get to leap over huge gaps and even fly on the back of a dragon, with a 3D recreation of the park soaring past underneath.
The food
One of the best things about Europa Park is the food, sure it has all standard options of takeaway burgers and chips, if that's what you want, but there's also traditionally themed snacks dependent on what part of the world/park you find yourself in. Why not try some tzatziki in Greece? Or some paella in Spain? You can enjoy traditional German schnitzel in the grounds of Balthasar Castle or even try out one of the park's special cultural exchanges, which saw Europa host an African food festival recently.
The park
Europa Park and its surrounding hotels, from the nautical Bell Rock to Italian-themed Hotel Colosseo - complete with its own colosseum - are beautiful. The park is filled with stunning gardens, impressive fountains and astounding decorations that make great tributes to the countries they're trying to portray. It's a lovely place to just walk around, which isn't really something you can say about most theme parks. Instead of the angsty Inbetweeners tweens who often furnish the queues at UK theme parks, Europa has a lovely family atmosphere, making it a decent holiday destination, that just so happens to have some terrifying rollercoasters slapped in the middle of it.
The park is a mere 50 minute drive from the airport and return flights are around £70 from Ryan Air. For more info head to Europa Park's official website, or check them out on Facebook and Twitter.