The most incredibly exciting stuff to watch on TV this weekend

Doctor Who (Saturday, BBC1, 8.30pm)

This week’s Doctor Who is a bit like a Richard Curtis rom-com with a robotic alien thing in the middle of it, threatening to destroy the planet. Mostly, it’s a showcase for Clara’s new relationship with hunky fellow teacher Danny Pink, and a chance for the Doctor to annoy them both as he goes undercover as the new caretaker at their school. It’s one of the funniest episodes for a long time, though purists might not be happy at the comedy-to-sci-fi ratio. They’ll just have to deal with it.

Strictly vs The X Factor (Saturday, BBC1, 7pm & ITV, 8pm)

Talking of dealing with it, we’re now facing the frankly exhausting weekly challenge of watching Strictly and X Factor despite the inevitable scheduling clash. On Saturday night Strictly gets underway first, and goes on for an epic 90 minutes as we get to meet the dancers who didn’t feature on Friday night. X Factor starts at 8, is all about the quasi-bewildering six-chair challenge at Boot Camp, which basically involves the judges making crackpot decisions about who to kick off the chairs in order to make sure there are enough “characters” going through to Judges’ Houses. So expect mass booing from the audience at Wembley Arena as Louis picks the new Wagner over someone who can actually sing.

Downton Abbey (ITV, Sunday, 9pm)

Dramz aplenty down Downton way this Sunday when permanently grumpy butler Mr Carson has to deal with the arrival of a wireless radio. As any regular follower of this posh soap will know, Carson is not one for modern, new-fangled stuff so he’s suitably suspicious of the whole set-up. The reason for the radio’s arrival is so everyone can stand to attention and listen to the King’s speech. We recommend they get it out on DVD. Oh, and the great Richard E Grant shows up to smirk superbly as an art dealer who flirts with Cora. The bounder.

Sunday Night At The Palladium (ITV, Sunday, 7pm)

You may be utterly bored by the idea of an old-school variety show on ITV of a Sunday evening, but hold on, this week’s show is hosted by Jack Whitehall. Which means the great man will have to hone his usually rude act for the pre-watershed family audience. As if that’s not intriguing enough in itself, the acts he’s introducing include Lionel Richie. I’m only partly joking.

And don’t forget…

The film Magic Mike is on Channel 4 on Sunday at 9pm. It’s about male strippers and features Channing Tatum’s bare bottom within about 10 minutes. It’s also directed by Steven Soderbergh and is genuinely good.