Hilarious lady-writer Caitlin Moran’s foray into TV was never going to be anything less than joyous, and tonight’s premiere of Raised By Wolves proves that by a country mile.
Helen Monks’ Germaine (a thinly veiled teenage Caitlin) provides plenty of fist-biting moments that will genuinely make you cringe like you did with The Office back in 2001, only this time like you’re watching yourself as an awkward, sex-obsessed teenager. So…doubly embarrassing, then.
Here’s 5 reasons why we’ll be glued to Raised By Wolves, tonight at 10pm over on Channel 4 and every Monday night for the foreseeable.
It’s got a ball-busting mum
Rebekah Staton (Wallander, Black Mirror) as grimly determined mum-of-six Della Garry is probably the best piece of casting since someone dressed up as sliced bread and danced around Tesco luring in shoppers with their crusty aroma. Not that that’s happened yet, but we’d very much like it to.
Della’s got a bunch of kids to feed, a horny dad to avoid and no time to let any of those balls drop.
Best line: “I want you in the car in two minutes, Aretha. We’re going foraging for food and we’re moving sharpish. Kirstie Allsopp was on last night so all the rich bitches will be out thraping the hedgerows for micro cress.”
And loads of period chat
Eldest sibling Germaine decides to impart some specialist knowledge to her little sister about life on the front line of menses. And s**t gets real.
Best line: “What’s a period? It’s when blood comes out of you. Any not just any blood – in my experience it can be all thick and viscous. Like jam.”
Then there’s the local bad boy
Germaine has a major crush on bully Lee Rind, but he doesn’t even know she exists. That is, until she tries to get his attention in possibly THE worst way ever…
Best line: “I am going to put my hand inside Lee’s house. It’s a tight fit… but I’m in.”
That randy granddad we mentioned…
He’s only got a few hours left till his wife’s back from her Alan Titchmarsh Q&A, and he’s making the most of it. Unfortunately, granddaughter Aretha gets an eyeful and presumably never gets over the trauma of someone that old having sex.
And it’s basically a love letter to awkward teens everywhere
Except with none of the self-loathing.
heat verdict: FIVE STARS!