Rihanna gives fan an incredibly awkward lap dance LIVE ON STAGE!

We remember it like it was yesterday; sitting on our grandfather’s lap, gleefully unwrapping the Werther’s Original we had just been rewarded with for listening to yet another account of the fearsome winter of 1938. Suddenly, Pop was looking sternly into the distance, as if foreseeing some unspeakable threat.

“Are you okay, Granddad?” we would ask, our meek voice trembling. His expression grew darker. Eventually, he offered his most valuable pearl of wisdom: “Remember this, child: You should never meet your heroes. You’ll only be disappointed.”

No disrespect, Granddad, but try telling that to the lad getting consensually molested by Rihanna in a video of what people are assuming to be a date of her 2011 LOUD tour.

In the recently surfaced clip, the usually demure S&M hitmaker can be seen giving the unnamed punter true value for money by performing a lap dance as part of her stage descended.

Well, we say 'lap dance', but we all know RiRi doesn’t believe in the boundaries dictated by our strict, totalitarian society. Before long, the poor guy is on his back with one of the world’s most beautiful women grinding on his chest. Shall we call this a chest dance? Is that a thing? Could it be the new twerking?

As its inventor, perhaps Rihanna could test the waters with Robin Thicke at a high-profile awards ceremony. Have you seen his latest album sales? God knows he’ll be free.

The footage is an excellent example of just how much we trust our pop stars. We’re presuming that the boy is now alive and well, but look at the creepy “Sssh!” gesture RiRi makes with her finger after pinching his glasses. She could very well be dragging him to the pits of Hell.

This could have been his last few seconds on Earth. And what does he do? What legacy does he choose to leave behind in his final moments? He makes his hand into a rock’n’roll sign, as if he’s getting a drunken photo taken in Magaluf.

But then again, there could be more going on below the surface. As they both went down, there’s a strong chance this young man was yelling "Timber!"

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