Quit your job, leave the country, dig a giant hole in the most barren land and never emerge again: Katie Hopkins could be the new face of the Britain’s Got Talent judging panel, and we’re genuinely fearful for the survival of the human race.
Yep, you did read those words correctly. According to the Daily Star On Sunday, Simon Cowell is already thinking about quitting the ITV talent show – and ol’ motormouth Hopkins herself could be taking over from him. GASP!
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Speaking to the newspaper, Simon said he’ll give himself “a couple more years” in TV before retiring from the small screen.
“You can’t go on forever. I’ll do a couple more years, sure. I enjoy doing the shows. But I will retire,” he said.
“I’ve always only wanted to be on TV as long as I can actually do a good job. We created girl group Fifth Harmony on The X Factor in America and they’ve just entered the charts at number three over there. That’s what my job is.
“When I can carry on creating successful artists it is worth doing. But if I am just being paid to judge I couldn’t do it,” Simon added.
And in a double-shock TWIST, Celebrity Big Brother runner-up Katie could be hired to backfill Simon’s space.
Speaking to reporters over the weekend, Katie fired up the rumour mill by threatening to replicate ALL of Simon’s worst traits if she was picked as a judge.
“There is a role for a Miss Nasty on any panel. We don’t have any good Miss Nasties at the moment because everyone wants to be sweet like Cheryl Cole,” she said.
“They want to be loved. It would be good to have someone different. There’s absolutely more TV coming up for me.”
Remember Edvard Munch’s The Scream? That’s basically what our face is doing right now.
Katie Hopkins' 10 worst moments in the whole of history
Katie Hopkins - worst moments
1 of 9Katie gets back to nature
Katie had herself a little romp in public with married colleague Mark Cross. Nice one, Katie...
2 of 9Peaches Geldof owns Katie
Peaches Geldof completely owned Katie during a discussion about attachment parenting on This Morning
3 of 9Katie says that she doesn't like geographical names
...but her daughter's name is India. Nice one, Katie
4 of 9Katie tweeted: "Packet Mix have still got a chubber in their ranks. Less Little Mix. More Pick n Mix"
Katie calls Jesy Nelson a "chubber"
5 of 9Katie: YOU'RE FIRED
Katie was fired from the Met Office in 2007 before she'd even started the new job. A Met Office statement said she did not meet the required standards to complete her probationary period, and confirmed that her performance on The Apprentice and confessions about her private life were a factor in her dismissal. Nice one, Katie...
6 of 9Katie says alcoholic Paul Gascoigne should keep boozing
On Gazza's alcohol addiction, Katie said: "I don't believe what Russell Brand says about addiction. I just don't buy it. It's a behaviour. Gazza likes drinking, let him crack on. He is enjoying himself." Nice one, Katie...
7 of 9Katie gets married on TV
Katie got married to Mark Cross (the field sex guy) on Celebrity Four Weddings. Nice one, Katie...
8 of 9Katie calls Sonia Poulton a zebra in a wig
Katie remarked that her fellow This Morning guest Sonia Poulton was 'a zebra' shouting at her, she said: "I know, but when you've got a zebra in a wig shouting at you, really it's too much." Nice one, Katie
9 of 9The Katie Hopkins Company is a giant flop
Katie's company, The Katie Hopkins Company - a business and management agency - has run at a net loss since June 2009. As of 30 June 2012 it had a net worth of -£11,927, and had no declared turnover at all during the previous 12 months. Nice one, Katie...