Tonight’s Game Of Thrones season 5 finale is going to RUIN YOUR LIFE

Remember how the Red Wedding was the absolute best/worst episode of* Game Of Thrones* ever invented and everyone agreed it was the pinnacle of TV and better than sliced bread and Nutella together and loads of people cried and even more got mad and then it was the end of that series and everyone just tried to move on with their lives?

Yeah, will the season finale of Game Of Thrones series five is about to BLOW. YOUR. MIND. It goes without saying that this is totally Spoilerville, population: you. Go on and scram if you accidentally clicked on this. GET OUTTA HERE.

OK, are you ready to hear what happens in tonight’s show? Then let’s begin.

CERSEI GETS NAKED

It’s the culmination of all those slanderous rumours about her, that she boned her own cousin Lancel Lannister (she did), that she repeatedly porked her own brother Jaime (yep) and had his children (uh-huh). The High Sparrow forces her to admit to some stuff and, as penitence, she has to strip naked, have her head shaved and walk totally starkers through Kings Landing to the Red Keep. Poop gets thrown. Shit gets real. Prepare to actually feel sorry for Cersei for the first time ever.

VARYS IS BACK

What the hell, dude? Where do you keep appearing from? There’s now a power vacuum in Meereen ever since Daenerys hopped on the back of her dragon and rode off into the sunset, so Tyrion, Missandei and Grey Worm (with Varys’ help) agree to rule in her absence. Bad idea, we reckon. Meanwhile, Dany is far from home and Drogon refuses to fly any further. Typical dragon, eh? She starts walking back to Meereen but soon gets waylaid by some murderous-looking Dothraki...

THINGS DON'T LOOK GREAT FOR SANSA STARK, TBH

She gets betrayed by Reek/Theon ("Reek, Reek, it rhymes with sneak") and almost gets killed by Ramsay Bolton's mistress, Miranda. But then Reek has a change of heart and pushes Miranda over the battlements of Winterfell. Is this Sansa's chance to escape? WE REALLY HOPE SO.

LOADS OF CHARACTERS DIE

First up, Stannis’ wife Queen Selyse will hang herself over the death of her daughter, Princess Shireen, in last week’s episode. Then Myrcella Baratheon gets poisoned by Ellaria Sand just after leaving for Kings Landing with uncle/father Jaime Lannister.

Also, Arya Stark brutally murders old paedo Ser Meryn Trant (and it gets SERIOUSLY gory, so make sure you’ve got a cushion to hide behind). OH, and then Stannis meets a sticky end at the hands of Brienne of Tarth. Serves you right for burning your only daughter, mate.

The biggie? NO MORE JON SNOW.

Yep, the Commander of the Night’s Watch gets betrayed by his little steward Olly, and stabbed several times by his treacherous men. DAMN YOU, OLLY. DAMN YOU TO ETERNAL HELL YOU LITTLE BASTARD.

But with Melisandre back at the Wall after Stannis' apparent death, will she be able to use her cray-cray magical powers to bring him back to life? We'll have to wait for season 6 - and April 2016 - to find out.

Catch the season finale of Game Of Thrones, tonight at 9pm on Sky Atlantic.

GoT characters out of costume - they look SO DIFFERENT