I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here (ITV, Saturday, 9.30pm & Sunday, 9pm)
It’s over before it really began. Such is the way with the “Jungle” show, which only lasts three weeks but maybe all reality shows should be like this: short, sharp bursts of gripping action interspersed with kanga-testicle-eating and really funny links from presenters who are also actual life-long friends. Maybe that’s too much to ask. Anyway, Sunday is the Final of I’m A Celeb, and in a series full of surprises since day three, when sensitive soul Gemma Collins sadly decided it was all too much for her, I have no idea who will actually win. Suffice to say the decision to drop X Factor hunk Jake into the show with unseemly haste has turned out to be a triumph because as I write he is the bookies’ favourite to win. Good luck to him. After trying to fulfill his dream of becoming a pop artist, Jake is now a fully fledged reality star. It’s only a matter of time before he’s in Celeb Big Brother, Strictly Come Dancing, and, if it’s still going, Splash!
Strictly Come Dancing (BBC1, Saturday, 7pm & Sunday, 7.20pm)
If you have an aversion to waltzing, this weekend’s Strictly may not be for you. Not that I know anyone who has a dislike of that particular dance but, you know, forewarned is forearmed and all that. The waltz-fest is officially called a “waltz-athon” and basically involves the remaining six couples all waltzing next to each other at the same time. Yes, they may well end up crashing into each other and turning the whole thing into a waltz farrago but it does sound like it’s going to be quite a sight. The judges will then rank the waltzing celebs from best to worst and they’ll be awarded points to reflect their waltz performance. This is officially the most times I’ve ever used the world ‘waltz’ in one paragraph. Oh, and One Republic are performing on the Sunday Results show.
The X Factor (ITV, Saturday, 8pm & Sunday, 9pm)
Over in X Factor Land, it’s the semi-final and is also officially Countdown To Christmas Week. Does this mean they sing songs that are almost Christmassy but not quite? Like East 17’s classic Stay, a song with all the requirements of a Christmas tune but without actually mentioning actual Christmas at all. I hope so. I’d quite like all the remaining acts to sing Stay, in fact. Simon Cowell, are you listening? In terms of guest acts, the whole weekend has been dubbed “Here Come The Girls”, which means they’ve booked lots of singing ladies, namely last year’s X Factor winner Sam Bailey, former X Factor USA contenders Fifth Harmony (how do they get these bookings?) and Frozen star Idina Menzel. I’d quite like Louis to call her ‘Adele Dazeem’ in honour of the legendary John Travolta cock-up at the Oscars. Even better, maybe he can tell her she looks like a “little Adele Dazeem”.
And don’t forget…
There’s good guest action on this weekend’s The Jonathan Ross Show (ITV, Saturday, 10.35pm) with the always-delightful Miranda Hart, the massively charming Martin Freeman, some dude called Paul McCartney, top singing sensation Ella Henderson. And Jeremy Clarkson. Oh well, you can’t have everything.