Lewis Bloor and Marnie Simpson's Celebrity Big Brother romance (showmance?) has thus far been veeeery boring and predictable. They were getting together within about five minutes, and it now appears it may have finished as quickly as it began.
In tonight's episode, Lewis is in the bathroom with his best buddy Stephen Bear, saying: "She is amazing but I have so much I want to do! Falling in love with someone isn’t on my radar; I have work to do.”
Errr, WOT?
Last night you were having, in Marnie's words, "the most romantic shower of [her] life", which was basically Lewis waggling his dick at her (consensually, ofc).
We're guessing Marnie won't be pleased things may be coming to an end, and not just 'cause of the big peen (he apaz doesn't know how to use it anyway), but because she said post shower: "I feel so lucky. He is just perfect. I don’t ever want to leave this house!”
:(
And in tonight's episode, she gushes still more about Lew Lew, saying to Katie Waissel: "It feels like fate! I really hope he doesn’t go. I really hope this isn't all an act…"
But then (THEN) the lovebirds end up going to sleep in SEPARATE BEDS. Nothing says the end of romance like going to sleep in separate beds. WHY IS LOVE A LIE?
Even if they don't have a happy ending, there's a newer (and far more interesting) couple in the block. Last night we were shocked, alarmed and EXCITED when Stephen Bear and Chloe Khan has arguably the shittest sounding sexual experience we've ever heard in the toilet.
Basically - he told he her he wanted to f*ck her, she moaned unnaturally loudly for a few seconds and then said called him a "naughty teddy bear". It was bloody hilarious.
Celebrity Big Brother continues tonight at 9pm on Channel 5