Anyone watching the sixth season of American Horror Story: My Roanoke Nightmare on TV right now will know that AHS likes to keep us guessing. And we don't mean just about what will happen next, we mean about WHAT THE F is going on at any given moment. So, as the brilliant fifth season arrives on DVD, here's our guide to getting it. Trust us, it'll help... Contains spoilers.
Hello, Hotel Cortez
All the AHS seasons are set in a new arena and the main action this time around takes place in the creepiest damn hotel we've ever come across. To (misquote) the song, "You can check in anytime you like, but you'll probably get murdered within five minutes of arrival".
Some people are alive, some not so much
The premise is this: the titular hotel was designed and built by James March (a still-disturbingly-cute Evan Peters), who, as well as having an interest in the hospitality industry is also a serial killer who likes nothing more than bricking people into the walls. Except... he's dead. But it looks like he's alive. It takes a while to get it, but we honestly think it's better to just know, so you don't wonder WTF you're watching and go and make tea instead.
He's not the only ghostly character, either. Anyone who dies in the hotel is doomed to stay forever. And MANY people die there. Hypodermic Sally? Brown bread. Miss Evers? Pushing up daisies...
March also likes to host dinner parties with his mates. Mates like dead serial killer Aileen Wuornos. And dead serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer. And dead serial killer... Oh, you get the idea.
There are also a few undead occupants
Not content with having long-deceased murderers and their victims cluttering up the bar's banquettes, there's also a vampire contingent to contend with, headed up by The Countess, played on Emmy-winning form by Lady Gaga. Be prepared: A LOT of (blood-drenched, murderous) sex takes place in her suite. Oh, and she's also 'mum' to some deeply creepy kids.
Don't try to understand the inexplicable
In the opening scenes, something horrible claws its way out of a sewn-up mattress. There's a sex-mad 'demon' with a corkscrew penis. Naomi Campbell isn't actually a bad actress. Don't attempt to work out why, just allow.
American Horror Story: Hotel (Twentieth Century Fox) is available on Blu-Ray and DVD from 3 October (Twentieth Century Fox)
