Game Of Thrones: Season 5 is swooping upon us, like a great big dragon-shaped, erm, dragon. But what the heck is Game Of Thrones? Why are they always banging on about winter coming? Technically winter is always coming, isn't it? And why oh why doesn't Jon Snow know anything? Are you too late to start watching?
Do you already know Dothraki from your Dinklage and your Khaleesi from your Kit Harrington? Here's everything you need to know about *Game Of Thrones: Season 5 *and where you can watch it...
What the heck is Game Of Thrones?
Good question, m'lord. Imagine Lord Of The Rings with more boobs, more blood and less talking. Actually, maybe there's more talking. There are also dragons, murders, wars, twists, swearing, a giant that only ever says one word (like a Pokemon) and so many deaths you might as well wear black the entire time you watch.
Who is in Game Of Thrones?
Big names include:
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Kit Harrington (Jon Snow, he doesn't know much) from Pompeii and modeling for Jimmy Choo.
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There's Emilia Clarke (Daenerys Targaryen) who's in the new Terminator Genisys movie.
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Our personal fav, P-Dinkle AKA Peter Dinklage (Tyrion Lannister) from Elf, X-Men, Nip Tuck and, erm, Lassie.
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Natalie Dormer (Margaery Tyrell) from *The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1.
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Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Jaime Lannister) who was the douchey dude in The Other Woman.
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Lena Headey (Cersei Lannister) who you may have seen in 300 and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
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Maisie Williams (Ayra Stark) who's best pals with Ed Sheeran. 'Cos he loves GOT, too.
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Sean Bean (Ned Stark) from LOTR - and old Beany cranks up the Yorkshire factor 1000 per cent in GOT.
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Sophie Turner (Sansa Stark) who's set to star in X-Men: Apocalypse.
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Alfie Allen (Theon Greyjoy) yep, the little brother of Lily Allen and star of erm, Agent Cody Banks 2.
Why should I watch Game Of Thrones?
There are more twists than Luke Friend's matted dreadlocks, more boobs than Lauren Goodger's Instagram account, and more swearing, murder and gruff British accents than the entirety of Danny Dyer's film career. But, more importantly than all that, it's bloody good! You'll easily find yourself ploughing through entire seasons one after another, so you can catch up in no time. The internet is laden with spoilers, so it's better to start sooner rather than later. You'll be hard pushed to find a show more shocking, or one you literally can't predict (unless you read the books), as Game Of Thrones is far from formulaic and only gets better with every new season. Stock up on fine salted meats, grab a fury cloak and get watching.
This gallery of the Queen visiting the Game Of Thrones set is going to melt your brain so hard it'll fall out through your nose
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Where can I watch Game Of Thrones: Season 5?
In the UK, it'll be on 13 April 2015 on Sky Atlantic at 9pm.
If you don't have Sky TV, you can also watch on Now TV. You can get a Now TV Entertainment Pass for £6.99/month.
If you're in the US, Game Of Thrones will be on HBO and HBO Now on 12 April at 9pm ET as part of a global simulcast. That sounds snazzy doesn't it?
Will Game Of Thrones: Season 5 be on Netflix?
Maybe, but probably not until the Season 5 has finished. Soz.
When does Game Of Thrones: Season 5 start?
13 April in the UK. 12 April in the US.