Lauren Goodger has released a sneak preview of the single nobody asked her to make

You haven’t realised it, but all your life there has been a nagging, a yearning. Have you ever truly felt happy? Have you ever truly felt at peace? Sometimes you wake up and just stare at the ceiling, as the pale dawn light flitters through your cheap venetian blinds, as your duvet and pillow grow cool around you. Sometimes you just brush your teeth in the mirror, staring into eyes that are staring back, brushing, polishing. When you run for a bus in the morning, does your heart truly beat? When you scald yourself with a tea mug, do you truly feel pain? All your life you have been a hollow shell. All your life you have been waiting for Lauren Goodger off of TOWIE to release a phenomenally autotuned single.

Well, get ready to live. Because Lauren Goodger has taken time out of her busy schedule of ‘stepping semi-daintily over puddles’ and ‘getting boob jobs then going out braless’ to hit the studio and get some music recorded, some of which she shared on Instagram today.

Here it is; brace yourself:

For clarity, here are those lyrics in full:

“You (Yeah!) / You, You, You / Don’t be / You / Don’t think I’m crying over you / You, You, You / [sound of an engine faintly revving up] / Don’t (Hey!) think I’m (Hey!) crying over you (Hey!)” — Lauren Goodger, 2014

Taste the air; feel the blood pound from your toes up to your fingers. Smells are more vivid, your tastes are now sharper. Lauren Goodger singing ostensibly about Mark Wright binning her off for Michelle Keegan has made you wake from your funk. Take a deep breath. You. Are. Alive.