Made In Chelsea recap: Series 7 Episode 6, featuring Binky and Alex’s big reunion – and EVEN BIGGER BREAK-UP

The camera pans round to Binky in her room looking sad. her dog Scrumple also looks sad, if a little boss-eyed. Has she been weeping into her silken ears? Er, no. Ex-boyfriend and heart-breaker Alex Mytton walks out of the front door doing the stride of pride. What have you guys been doing???

Lucy is going to interview Riley as an intern for her new jewellery line, and we can see how she's going to be a terrifying boss even as she spells out her vision to Stevie and Andy. Is she channelling Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada? Will she rule over Riley's life with an iron fist, calling her at all hours of the day and night and demanding private jets all around the world? We kind of hope so

Binky meets her mum Jane for some wise words (and a glass of champers, natch). But Mummy Felstead is not happy when Binks admits she had Alex to stay the night before. "He's pulled the wool over your eyes, my eyes - he's told bare-faced lies," says Jane in the crosses way she knows. "Currently the way I see Alex I'd like something very unpleasant to happen to him." She also calls him a gimp. Does Mummy Felstead know what this word means? Both mum and daughter have 'a moment' and it all gets a bit emosh

Proudlock and Rosie are with Mark-Francis in a fabric shop, because the producers have literally no idea what to do with them anymore. Really, what they should be doing is giving Mark-Francis his own show, but we STILL HAVE NO WORD ON IT, GOD DAMMIT. Anyway, why is Mark-Francis stroking bolts of fabric? Ah, he's designing some pocket squares. Like, obvs. "I'd had enough of trying to find what I like in Hermes, so I thought it's time to do it myself," he purrs before revealing his inspiration is himself. OF COURSE IT IS. He wants to make a pocket square inspired by a picture his housekeeper took of him in the pool. "I want to be in everyone's breast pocket, caressing half of London's nipples," he claims. This is TV gold

Binky breaks the news that Alex will be joining her and Jane for a cosy tete-a-tete, and Jane promptly walks out as soon as Alex enters stage right. Binks tells him that sleeping together was "silly" and said she's scared of telling her friends because they'd disapprove. Can't really blame them, can you Binks? Alex has got a [flip]load of grovelling to do too, and he says he's going to try to cut down on the boozing so he doesn't have any more of those strangely convenient blackout sessions where he seems to put his penis inside things without remembering the next day

Rosie pops in on Louise but catches baby bro Sam for a quick chat. He asks if she told Riley about the comments he made last week about how he could get her back any time he wanted. She says yes, she did, and she has no regrets because Sam's treating Riley like a piece of meat and HOW WOULD HE LIKE IT EY?

We learn that Mark-Francis has literally no idea what actually goes on down in Nando's. "I thought Nando's was a wine bar," he claims, his face an actual picture of sneering bemusement. "'Would you like to see my poulet with splayed legs?' Ugh. NOT OK." Seriously, we know we bang on about this every week but THIS MAN NEEDS HIS OWN SHOW

Yay, Stephanie Pratt is still here! She meets up with the gals for dinner and talk turns to, of all things, netball. "The f**k is netball," Stephanie drawls. "Is it real?" Actually it's not, Steph - it's an elaborate hoax dreamed up by cruel and sadistic PE teachers who let the lies get out of hand. Binky tells them about her and Alex sleeping together and Louis is fully in favour of them getting back together, but Steph is sceptical. "Once a cheater, always a cheater," she warns

Andy and Stevie are literally rating the girls' legs as they play netball, like they're 15 again. They decide Steph's are the best, followed by Riley's. We also learn that Stevie has brought Riley some banana bread, which in the animal kingdom means you're ready to mate. Oh, and Louise has just told Steph she thinks Lucy is arrogant, which we're sure won't have any negative repercussions later on...

Alex shows up at the netball match and Mummy Felstead - who, inexplicanaly, is acting as referee - shoots the kind of look that can burn through flesh and iron at him. She stalks off, her unmovable blonde bouffant stiff and proud. Binky is surprisingly happy to see him and gives him a cuddle in front of everyone. Meanwhile, Steph tells Lucy that Binky and Alex have hooked up and that Louise has been "chatting too much s**t about her". Lucy's not surprised - she reckons Louise is only cheerleading Alex and Binky because she wants to feel better about taking back Spencer

Baby-faced Sam rocks up a the same netball game (how long has it been going on for now? It's taken up half this episode, AT LEAST) and confronts Stevie over taking his ex Riley out. FFS SAM, GET OVER IT. He actually demands Stevie apologise over the situation, telling him: "You b**ched me out, mate. I feel like you're going to be Mr Big Balls right now, try to look good in front of the chaps." Every word out of Sam's mouth makes us want to claw off our ears and throw them out the window. STOP

Lucy has some bad news for Binky after her friend confides that she's thinking of getting back with Alex. Essentially, Alex has been a very naughty boy and there's at least two more separate rumours of him cheating. "I just need you to get away from him. Just stay far away from him," Lucy says. Binks cries. She's definitely taken ovr from Louise in the MIC tear stakes this series

The gang have been invited over to the deepest, darkest East End of London for a night out in Hoxton. Victoria Baker-Harber and Mark-Francis literally have no idea what to do with themselves. It's like they're in a war zone. "You're wearing a lot of carats for the East End," Mark-Francis comments, while looking around for errant specks or dust that dare to land on his fabulously cut suit

The banana bread has worked its charms on Riley, so Stevie takes this opportunity to kiss her. In front of Sam. Whose face...

...looks a bit like this. Ouch

Binky is determined to have it out with Alex once and for all and rings him to ask him about the latest rumours. He, unsurprisingly, can't come up with a plausible excuse over the phone so tells her they'll talk when he gets to the party

Louise has just thrown some serious shade at Lucy after new boy Edo asks who she is. Louise tells him Lucy "likes to get involved in other people's business and she's dated three of my exes". Wow. Predictably, it gets back to Lucy almost instantly and she goes over to yell at Louise, telling her she needs to start supporting Binky rather than pressure her into getting back with Alex

Rosie tries to step in and calm things down but Lucy rounds in on her too. We could screenshot Rosie's face all day, but here's her best facial expression EVER

Binky finally gets the chance to find out what Alex has really been up to, and he confesses that he's cheated on her THREE MORE TIMES. "I held back on telling you... I wanted to find a good moment to tell you," he splutters in the face of her anger. He admits the Edinburgh rumour is true and that he had girls staying in his hotel room, then kissed two other girls on separate occassions. "It's f**king disgusting, I can't believe you haven't told me about this before," rages Binky.So what was Alex's excuse? "I got stuck down a tunnel of lying and I panicked and had to keep lying." A tunnel of lying, eh? Sure it wasn't a different sort of tunnel you got stuck down?

On next week's episode, it looks like the Alex/Binky story will finally blow up into epic proportions, because BINKY IS GOING TO SLAP HIM AROUND THE FACE. Now, heat doesn't condon violence at all... but DAYYYYAM, that slap looks satisfying.Tune in next Monday at 10pm on E4 for the next instalment of the lives and loves of our favourite poshos...