All the Cannes fashion don’ts including sideboobs, crowns and ’80s throwbacks

Dressing as a red carpet on the red carpet, obvs

When we said statement necklaces were on trend, this is not what we had in mind...

Eva's just discovered her dress has been sabotaged at the boob

Part mermaid, part Game Of Thrones

Here comes the bride. And the boobs

Been practicing making snowflakes on your boots, have you?

Just got out of bed did we? That's the only excuse we could think of for a lace nightie and no shoes

Nothing too extravagant, as per usual

Er, Petra? Pants were made for a reason

We didn't realise full-length silk body stockings were acceptable on the red carpet. Oh wait, they're not

Not even gorgeous Marion can pull off wearing a cloud

If shoes make your feet look like hooves, then they're probably not worth buying, love

Never mind Penny Dreadful, this camel-toe inducing jumpsuit signals Eva Dreadful unfortunately

A fuchsia pink cummerbund? Why not? THIS IS WHY NOT

A bit more Angelina leg inspo, and not much underwear by the looks of it

Old curtain tassels don't really create the most flattering of tops

That's a flattering colour. NOT

Only one word comes to mind: sweaty

All just a bit too see-through for our liking

Totally tacky, not to mention ageing. Ew no, Monica

Well someone's a big fan of Madonna in the '80s...

Kind of amazing, kind of bin baggy

Looked in that pool behind you for scaly outfit inspo did you?

That red trim seems to be very unfortunately placed

We didn't realise Neil Buchanan was now a fashion designer

Bringing a whole new meaning to the phrase 'matching your shoes to your dress'

Watch out Tamara! The same saboteur of Eva Longoria's dress is after you too

Quality Street wrappers seem to suddenly be Cannes-piration

And so do Christmas baubles

Completing her hat trick of style disasters in yellow florals completed with EastEnders style accessories

Just cos it's Versace doesn't mean it's nice...

When in doubt, wear a hammock. At least you can have a nap on the red carpet, eh?