Britney Spears finally speaks: ‘I just want my life back’

The singer documents a shocking list of abuses

britney spears court conservatorship

by Elizabeth Ryan |
Updated on

After staying silent for 13 years, last week, Britney Spears finally spoke out about her controversial conservatorship. “I just want my life back, it’s been 13 years and it’s enough”, she told the court, before listing the horrendous abuses she has been forced to endure. In a devastating speech, the singer admitted she cries every day over the situation, where she is controlled in every way, forced to take drugs, and not allowed to have a baby or get married.

An impassioned Britney, 39 – who was speaking remotely due to Covid regulations – told Superior Court Judge Brenda Penny how she is forced to work endlessly without time off. She described how her own management threatened to sue her if she didn’t do her 2018 tour or continue her Vegas residency. When she resisted, Britney said her team “immediately put me on lithium”, which made her feel “drunk”. She went on, “I couldn’t even have a conversation with my mum or dad about anything. I told them I was scared.” She blamed her “ignorant” father, Jamie Spears, saying, “He was the one who approved all of it.”

The litany of restrictions and controls placed on her life kept coming. Britney was forced to take a psych test, which she “failed”, and was then sent to rehab for four months. “You’re going to pay $60k a month for this,” the singer was told, saying, “I cried on the phone for an hour, and [my dad] loved every minute of it.” She compared her treatment to being sex trafficked, and revealed how staff gave her no privacy, even watching her get changed every day. Since returning home, Britney has been living under even stricter rules, unable to see friends who live nearby or even be driven by her boyfriend of five years, Sam Asghari in his car.

Most shockingly, she has also been prevented from having more children. Britney said, “I want to be able to get married and have a baby. I was told in the conservatorship I am not able to. I have an IUD [and] I wanted to take the IUD out, so I could start trying to have another baby. But the so-called ‘team’ won’t let me go to the doctor, because they don’t want me to have any more children.”

She also claimed she wasn’t allowed to have any beauty treatments for a year, even though her mum Lynne was having haircuts and manicures. “It took a year, during Covid, to get me any self-care,” she said. She then referred to her mum, claiming, “She said there were no services available. She’s lying, Ma’am. My mum went to the spot twice in Louisiana during Covid. For a year, I didn’t have my nails done, no hairstyling and no massages, no acupuncture. Nothing for a year. She [Lynne]made me feel like my dad does. Very similar, her behaviour and my dad, but just a different dynamic.”

It’s the first time the mum of two has spoken publicly about the conservatorship, which has been in place since 2008. While Jamie stepped down as her personal conservator in 2019, he has remained jointly in control of her finances. A movement to save Britney has been gathering pace online for years, and outside the LA courthouse, fans held up #FreeBritney banners.

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“I’ve lied and told the whole world I’m OK and I’m happy. It’s a lie,” Britney said. “I’m traumatised. I’m not happy, I can’t sleep, I’m so angry, it’s insane. I’m depressed, I cry every day,” adding that the way she’s treated “made me feel like I was dead, that I didn’t matter”. And she says she cannot go on like this, adding, “I deserve to have a life. I deserve to have a two-to-three year break. I feel bullied and left out and alone. And I’m tired of feeling alone. I deserve to have the same rights as anybody by having a child and a family… All I want is to own my money, for this to end, and for my boyfriend to drive me in his f--king car.” But she also wants her family – who she says “have lived off my conservatorship for 13 years” – to be punished, saying, “They should be in jail”, adding, “I would like to sue my family.”

She ended her moving speech by saying, “I want changes and I want changes going forward. I deserve changes. I was told I have to sit down and be evaluated again if I want to end the conservatorship. Ma’am, I didn’t know I could petition the conservatorship to end it. I’m sorry for my ignorance, but I honestly didn’t know that. But honestly, I don’t think I owe anyone to be evaluated. I’ve done more than enough. I don’t feel like I should even be in a room with anyone to offend me by trying to question my capacity of intelligence, whether I need to be in this stupid conservatorship or not. I’ve done more than enough.”

After the hearing, celebrities and fans all over the world spoke about their admiration for her and demanded for her to be free. Her father Jamie would only comment through his spokesperson, saying, “Mr Spears loves his daughter and misses her very much.”

But Britney wasn’t done and took to her Instagram, posting a picture of a quote by Albert Einstein, which said, “If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.”

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She then wrote, “I just want to tell you guys a little secret… I believe, as people, we all want the fairy-tale life and by the way I’ve posted… my life seems to look and be pretty amazing… I think that’s what we all strive for !!!! That was one of my mother’s best traits… no matter how sh*tty a day was when I was younger… for the sake of me and my siblings, she always pretended like everything was OK. I’m bringing this to people’s attention because I don’t want people to think my life is perfect, because IT’S DEFINITELY NOT AT ALL … and if you have read anything about me in the news this week… you obviously really know now it’s not!!!! I apologise for pretending like I’ve been OK the past two years… I did it because of my pride and I was embarrassed to share what happened to me… but honestly who doesn’t want to capture their Instagram in a fun light!!!! Believe it or not, pretending that I’m OK has actually helped… so I decided to post this quote today because by golly if you’re going through hell… I feel like Instagram has helped me have a cool outlet to share my presence… existence… and to simply feel like I matter despite what I was going through and hey it worked… so I’ve decided to start reading more fairy tales.”

While experts think it’s likely to be a long road to freedom for the singer – and the judge said she could only make a decision once Brit’s lawyer had filed a formal petition for the conservatorship to end – hopefully she is now on the right path. #FreeBritney.

Read more in the latest issue of heat magazine – OUT NOW.

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