Kate Lawler: ‘My regrets over having a baby’

The Big Brother winner gets real on the ‘dark times’ of motherhood

Kate Lawler

by Katie Holloway |

Former Big Brother star Kate Lawler was once so unsure about having children that she started a podcast with her husband – titled Maybe Baby – to explore what she called the “parentally undecided”.

Now, a year after welcoming their daughter Noa, Kate has opened up about the trials and tribulations of motherhood. Her new book, Maybe Baby: On The Mother Side (Seven Dials, £16.99), promises to delve into subjects such as “mum guilt”, “unspoken regrets”, and “postnatal depression”.

And after the 41 year old recently won a GLOMAMA award for “Favourite New Mama”, she spoke candidly about the feelings of regret she’s had.

“You may wonder how it’s possible to feel so much regret when you felt so ready to create a new life,” she said in her acceptance speech.

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“There will be times you wish you could be the person you were before you gave birth or wonder if you’ll ever be happy again. When you can’t stop crying or control the most terrifying, darkest thoughts inside your head… when you’re on the floor, unable to get up because you feel so broken, or notice feelings of resentment towards a partner who doesn’t have the same amount of responsibility as you…

"When the sleepless nights, the constant fear that something bad might happen to your child, the anguish of not knowing how to stop your baby crying, or when you doubt your ability to be a mum or dad becomes all too overwhelming – just remember, all of this will pass.”

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THEN: Craig Phillips

Scouser Craig was the first person to win Big Brother way back in 2000.

When Noa, now 13 months, was first born, Kate kept fans updated on both the highs and lows of first-time parenthood. Just a month after Noa was born, she posted online, “Being a mum to a newborn is not the best thing ever right now. It’s broken me… and the last two days I’ve felt like I’m at breaking point.”

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She shared the highlights, too, recently telling followers she and husband Martin (known as Boj) had shared a glass of bubbly on Noa’s birthday to “celebrate surviving the first year”.

Alongside pictures of her family, Kate wrote, “While not all parents find the first year difficult, we certainly did and there were some terribly dark times, with me feeling like we’d made a huge mistake and that we’d never be happy again.

"But alongside the toughest days have been the most magical moments, which have made my heart want to explode. Watching Noa grow so rapidly into this incredible little one-year- old girl, believe me when I say things do eventually get better."

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