Former Big Brother star Kate Lawler was once so unsure about having children that she started a podcast with her husband – titled Maybe Baby – to explore what she called the “parentally undecided”.
Now, a year after welcoming their daughter Noa, Kate has opened up about the trials and tribulations of motherhood. Her new book, Maybe Baby: On The Mother Side(Seven Dials, £16.99), promises to delve into subjects such as “mum guilt”, “unspoken regrets”, and “postnatal depression”.
And after the 41 year old recently won a GLOMAMA award for “Favourite New Mama”, she spoke candidly about the feelings of regret she’s had.
“You may wonder how it’s possible to feel so much regret when you felt so ready to create a new life,” she said in her acceptance speech.
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“There will be times you wish you could be the person you were before you gave birth or wonder if you’ll ever be happy again. When you can’t stop crying or control the most terrifying, darkest thoughts inside your head… when you’re on the floor, unable to get up because you feel so broken, or notice feelings of resentment towards a partner who doesn’t have the same amount of responsibility as you…
"When the sleepless nights, the constant fear that something bad might happen to your child, the anguish of not knowing how to stop your baby crying, or when you doubt your ability to be a mum or dad becomes all too overwhelming – just remember, all of this will pass.”
CHECK OUT: Big Brother winners - what happened next?
Big Brother winners where are they now? Swipe and see
1 of 36THEN: Craig Phillips
Scouser Craig was the first person to win Big Brother way back in 2000.
2 of 36NOW: Craig Phillips
After giving his £70,00 prize money to charity, Craig went on to put his building skills to use and appeared a number of TV shows such as 60 minute makeover and Craig's Trade Tips.In 2011 he hosted a show called Celebrity DIY with Craig Phillips for Home and he also became an ambassador for Ryobi, a hardware manufacturing company.In June 2020, Craig announced his wife was expecting the couple's second child.
3 of 36THEN: Brian Dowling
Irishman Brian was crowned the winner of Big Brother 2 in 2001, beating the likes of Helen Adams and Paul Clarke.
4 of 36NOW: Brian Dowling
The show acted as a platform for Brian who has since went on to have an amazing career in TV. Not only did he return to the show in 2010 to win Ultimate Big Brother, Brian later hosted the show for two series, taking over from Davina McCall. He has since gone on to become a well known TV personality, presenting shows like Sitting on a Fortune and The Real Housewives of Cheshire.
5 of 36THEN: Kate Lawler
Kate was the first female to win the show when she won Big Brother 3 in 2002.
6 of 36NOW: Kate Lawler
Kate went on to present a number of TV and Radio shows and even appeared on Celebrity Love Island in 2006.
7 of 36THEN: Cameron Stout
Cameron won Big Brother in 2003 after receiving over 1.9 million votes. During his time in the Big Brother house Cameron was involved in a swap with the Big Brother Africa house. He swapped places with Big Brother Africa housemate Gaetano Kagwa.
8 of 36NOW: Cameron Stout
After the show finished, former fish trader Cameron went on to star in a number of pantomimes, as well as landing himself a job with a newspaper. He has since stayed out of the public eye.
9 of 36THEN: Nadia Almada
Nadia stole the nation's hearts when she won the show in 2004, becoming the first transgender winner of Big Brother.
10 of 36NOW: Nadia Almada
As well as the show's former presenter Davina McCall, many BB fans have called Nadia their 'favourite ever winner', despite her causing drama when she returned for Ultimate Big Brother in 2010. After winning Big Brother, Nadia released a single, appeared on TV shows and even brought out her own fitness DVD.
11 of 36THEN: Anthony Hutton
Geordie boy Anthony was a VERY popular winner in 2005, receiving 57.2% of the vote.
12 of 36NOW: Anthony Hutton
After the show, Anthony enjoyed a number of years of fame, appearing on TV shows and living the showbiz lifestyle. However, the Newcastle-born star now lives a normal life as hairdresser.
13 of 36THEN: Pete Bennett
Pete was the firm favourite throughout Big Brother in 2006 and eventually won with 61.2% of the final vote.
14 of 36NOW: Pete Bennett
Pete enjoyed a romance with Nikki Grahame in the BB house, but their romance faded out after just six months. Pete appeared on The Jeremy Kyle Show in 2010, where he revealed he is homeless. Since then, Pete has turned his life around and in 2016 set up a cleaning business called Celebriclean.
15 of 36THEN: Brian Belo
Essex boy Brian Belo was the winner of Big Brother 8 in 2007.
16 of 36NOW: Brian Belo
Brian enjoyed major success after his stint on the show, landing himself a job on various TV shows. He also returned to the infamous house in 2015 as part of the Time Warp twist.
17 of 36THEN: Rachel Rice
School teacher Rachel won the show in 2008.
18 of 36NOW: Rachel Rice
After her successful stint on Big Brother, Rachel returned to teaching and is now a fully qualified teacher at Abersychan Comprehensive School in Wales.
19 of 36THEN: Sophie Reade
Despite being made to change her name to 'DogFace' as part of a task, Sophie won the show in 2009, winning the prize fund of £71,320.
20 of 36NOW: Sophie Reade
Since then, Sophie has continued with her modelling career, appearing in a number of different publications including Playboy.
21 of 36THEN: Josie Gibson
Josie won Big Brother in 2010 and later appeared on Ultimate Big Brother later in the year.
22 of 36NOW: Josie Gibson
Despite splitting from fellow contestant John James Parton, Josie went on to have a mega successful career, landing herself fitness DVDs, TV presenting gigs and her very own TV show. In 2019, Josie welcomed her first child, a baby boy called Reggie-James.
23 of 36THEN: Luke Anderson
Luke won the 13th series of Big Brother in 2012.
24 of 36NOW: Luke Anderson
After winning the show, Luke quit showbiz and is now a head chef at a hotel.
25 of 36THEN: Sam Evans
Welsh boy Sam won Big Brother 14 in 2013.
26 of 36NOW: Sam Evans
After his victory, Sam, who was born with 70-80% hearing loss, announced that he intended to return to work in Debenhams.
27 of 36THEN: Helen Wood
Perhaps one of the most surprising victories in Big Brother history, but in 2014, Helen Wood was crowned the winner of Big Brother.
28 of 36NOW: Helen Wood
With her loud personality, Helen has since appeared on a number of TV shows and most recently was involved in a debate on Good Morning Britain.
29 of 36THEN: Chloe Wilburn
Chloe won Big Brother in 2015.
30 of 36NOW: Chloe Wilburn
After winning the show, Chloe decided to return to normal life. She is now married and has a son.
31 of 36THEN: Jason Burill
Despite threatening to leave the house on numerous occasions, Jason won the 17th series of Big Brother in 2016.
32 of 36NOW: Jason Burill
Since then, Jason has focused his attention on property developing and according to reports, he's set to have '£20 million in the bank in the next 10 months'.
33 of 36THEN: Isabelle Warburton
Isabelle was crowned winner of Big Brother in 2017.
34 of 36NOW: Isabelle Warburton
Isabelle now has over 90k followers on Instagram, making money from promotional deals on social media.
35 of 36THEN: Cameron Cole
Cameron became the last ever Big Brother winner in 2018 and he was only 18 at the time.
36 of 36NOW: Cameron Cole
Cameron now has over almost 30k Instagram followers and has launched his own content platform.
When Noa, now 13 months, was first born, Kate kept fans updated on both the highs and lows of first-time parenthood. Just a month after Noa was born, she posted online, “Being a mum to a newborn is not the best thing ever right now. It’s broken me… and the last two days I’ve felt like I’m at breaking point.”
She shared the highlights, too, recently telling followers she and husband Martin (known as Boj) had shared a glass of bubbly on Noa’s birthday to “celebrate surviving the first year”.
Alongside pictures of her family, Kate wrote, “While not all parents find the first year difficult, we certainly did and there were some terribly dark times, with me feeling like we’d made a huge mistake and that we’d never be happy again.
"But alongside the toughest days have been the most magical moments, which have made my heart want to explode. Watching Noa grow so rapidly into this incredible little one-year- old girl, believe me when I say things do eventually get better."
WATCH: The Big Brother reunion we've been waiting for 🙌🏼
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